Help me find a spiritual path

[moonraingirl]

OK, this is going to be tough. I am not sure how to post this question but I'll try my best.
I'm looking for some tips or guidance to find the right kind of spirituality or philosophy for me. There are so many options, yet i wasn't able to find one that would completely resonate with me and there are so many different practices in each path that it's impossible to know them all. Maybe some of you will be able to show me practices from various paths that i didn't know. They don't even have to be practices, it can be books, articles, youtube videos etc. to inspire me.

So, what am I looking for? I feel a need for something higher, to connect with the Universe/God/True Self- whatever you may call it. I am not particularly interested in doing magick, casting spells or rituals. I am looking for something simple in form (requiring as few tools and rules as possible), yet rich in symbols and meaning.
I've got a close relationship with nature, especially trees and animals. I'm a Higly Sensitive Person and an empath. I'm mainly interested in self-development, conquering anxiety and other mental issues and physical healing of both myself and others. Of course I know that one has to seek medical advice first, but I also need something spiritual.
I would call myself a very open-minded heretic Catholic . I'm open to meditation, visualisation, alternative medicine, psychology but I would rather not dab too much into contacting spirits and similar as I've had negative experiences in the past.
Any ideas about resources that would be helpful to me?
Thank you!

[Katrinkah]

"Hands of light" or "Light emerging" by Barbara Ann Brennan are great books to learn how to heal yourself, others, and become spiritually attuned. Will teach you how to protect as an empath and how to let go of anxiety. Great reads. And you can get them in audio book form. I wish you the best of luck on your search!

[Katrinkah]

Also, there is no mention of religion or spells in those. Just your aura and energy. I guess she does refer to "God" but not in a preachy way. She is Christian like you <3

[moonraingirl]

Also, there is no mention of religion or spells in those. Just your aura and energy. I guess she does refer to "God" but not in a preachy way. She is Christian like you <3

Thank you, Katrinkah. Added it to my wishlist

[PistashioQueen]

For YouTube videos I particularly love Teal Swan's videos - great for new perspectives, self development, working with anxiety, mental health and healing.

[moonraingirl]

Thanks, I'll check her out!

[moonraingirl]

I've just watched two videos from Teal Swan. She's simply fantastic! Thank you PistashioQueen that's exactly what I needed to hear! A real advice for real people, not just fake artificial new age positivity or religious powerlessness "it's God's will, we must accept it".
Teals words brought me calmness and peace

[Katrinkah]

I have to check that out, sounds like something I would like! We create our own lives and have the power of free will. Nothing is set in stone!

[moonraingirl]

I have to check that out, sounds like something I would like! We create our own lives and have the power of free will. Nothing is set in stone!

I especially liked her video called F... Law of attraction. What I didn't like about New Age spirituality is this notion that you allways can create a positive reality and make your wishes come true. It always seemed so simplistic to me and clearly not true. In that video she explains that things are more complicated than that and that sometimes events that seem negative are just meant to happen. Her claim is that it is our higher self that sends negative experiences to our lives.
That view seems so much more real to me than belief in possibility of 100% happiness in new age. And it is much more comfortable than belief that it is God who sends you misfortune because of his mysterious plan with you, where you are mostly a passive figure.

[Katrinkah]

In that video she explains that things are more complicated than that and that sometimes events that seem negative are just meant to happen. Her claim is that it is our higher self that sends negative experiences to our lives.

This totally aligns with what I already believe. Which is that, the physical realm is like a school where we incarnate to learn and develop. And we can't learn and develop without challenges. Challenges are how we grow spiritually, and without them life would be pretty boring.

[Katrinkah]

Wow just checked her out and the video I happened to click on was pretty much about what is going on in my life right now. Changing my lifestyle to meet my core values! Good find!

[moonraingirl]

That's great! You attracted it to your life

[SpiritTalker]

So, what am I looking for? I feel a need for something higher, to connect with the Universe/God/True Self- whatever you may call it. I am not particularly interested in doing magick, casting spells or rituals. I am looking for something simple in form (requiring as few tools and rules as possible), yet rich in symbols and meaning. :

Spend 3 minutes a day focusing on your heart chakra being filled with light. Wave your palm in a downward stroke from head to crotch to close when you’re done.

When it feels good to do so, greet the higher self. Imagine entering a sky scraper, take the elevator to the 54th floor and enter an office belonging to your HS. You have an appointment and are invited to enter. As you work with the HS level it will tell you a name it wants to be called by so it becomes more personal.

Start out slow and let the HS dictate the course. In the course of your day you may encounter symbols and signs, and in dreams. HS works thru these often. When HS speaks to you, you can't
miss it or mistake it for something else. It dominates the mind.
..

[moonraingirl]

Hi SpiritTalker,
so you have been in a Catholic convent? Did you want to be a nun?
Thanks for the meditation, I'll try that.

It's complicated with me. It's that I feel that traditional Catholicism is too strict and mainly it caused my religious OCD (or maybe not caused, but created the conditions that the symptoms appeared). I also get panic attacks in the church -feeling that I'm about to faint, heartbeat, vertigo. None of my family or friends supports my decision to become a catholic and I basically get laughed at. What's more, I visited a local priest but he didn't understand me at all. I won't go to confession to him. And I don't like local masses in general.

On the other hand, when I tried new Age, chakra work, and reiki when I was about 18 years old, I started to feel an evil presence. I also went emotionally unstable while I was a completely healthy teenager before. The thing that helped me then was calling Jesus'name even when I hated Christianity so much as I was raised in an atheist family. I also got answered prayers from Christian God which eventually led me to join the Church.

So, to sum up, I've got emotional issues with both religions. I feel trapped by the Catholic dogma and customs which are very hard for me to obey and I don't understand/agree with some of them. But of course, in order to be a catholic you must take it ALL.
And I'm also afraid of negative spiritual influences that could hide in paganism/new age which I encountered 10 years ago. There are multiple signs that there's still a negative influence from that time in my life and lives of my family. It's like becoming a Christian has helped but not 100%. It didn't make me completely free. When I was 14 (I did this before my new age spiritual phase and remained basicaly atheist between 14-18), I found a satanic text and I summoned all 5 worst evil spirits. I cast a pentagram and used red juice instead of wine and knife instead of sword or something. I didn't believe in that stuff at all, I did it just for fun. You see, I was one of those perfect children, always quiet, obedient and smart. There was just this ONE TIME that puberty took over me and I wanted to rebel and be powerful and important. But I'm afraid that at that moment, I called to my life something that I can never get rid of.
I don't know what to do about that...

Oh... I didn't expect that I would be so open with you guys. But yeah, I guess it was too much for me and I've got nothing to lose by sharing with you.

[SpiritTalker]

Yup, can of worms. The emotions behind the rebellion...we all go there. Summoning something doesn't have to be forever. There are strong forces that take advantage, and strong forces to kick their asses back where they came from. We have an inner guide to protect us. It would be a good symbolic act on your part, to cleanse and banish. whether you believe in the steps or not, your subconscious does respond.

You don't have to accept the dogma whole hog. If people were honest, most RCs don't. They just pick an easy sense of security that is told to them and they don't have to work for it. Not saying being RC is an easy path, becuz it ain't, if it is truly lived. Same for any religion, imo.

Don't worry about sampling other ways and paths. It will come together for you in the right time, but you do have to endure a lot of vagueness and questioning. That is what scares off most people. When we find our truth it is so simple - the Doh factor, I call it - we never forget it.

Religious OCD? That actually makes sense to me, being bitten by the religion bug, the burning drive to know, the love of the Spirit, the reality shifts...yes, makes sense to me. It's an evolutionary shift in consciousness, a fire in the heart. A pure sweetness. No wonder we crave chocolate!