Boyfriend Disapproves of My Pagan/Wiccan Beliefs

[lapislazuli16]

I have been a Pagan/Wiccan for the majority of my life. I practice a nature based polytheistic version that includes many different cultures and forms of meditation. However my boyfriend is a devout Christian. We have recently considered marriage, but he has severe issues with my faith. I have no desire to stop him practicing his and I will even accompany him if he wishes. He is afraid that my lack of accepting Jesus Christ as my one true savior will compromise his faith.

I am deeply hurt by this statement because I would never discourage him from his beliefs, but I feel I'm being attacked and considered unclean or that there's something wrong with me. I'm not sure he is willing to accept me with my religion. I don't know how to show him that we aren't that different. I don't view the afterlife or "sin" as Christians do therefor I don't believe in needing Jesus to reach the divine universal power.

Please, if anyone has any suggestions or could help me with the words to say. I love him very much and don't want to lose him but I feel he's boxed me into a corner and I have no choice. ;(

[CleverlyDisguised]

Lapis, I am sorry to hear about your situation. I have in the past been in a similar situation... and it was messy... I ended up having it out with her... the questions I asked were these (though phrased less politely)
1. When has my religion EVER compromised your personally held beliefs, morals and tenets?
2. Have I EVER tried to force you to do something that went counter to your religion or its rules or strictures?
3. Have I EVER tried to make you feel bad for your religion?
4. Have I EVER tried to asked you to forsake your beliefs for me?
5. Have you ever done those things to me?

She got pissed and called me a demon trafficking hellwhore and I dumped her. But that is not likely to happen with you as he seems like he might be a sane, reasonable individual.


A man's Magick demonstrates what sort of person he is, what is held most deeply inside of him.
There is no truer gauge of a man's character than the way in which he employs his strength, his power. -- Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden

[TwilightDancer]

Please go to the top section of the forum and introduce yourself.


Rest assured you're not the first person to run into this problem and you wont be the last. There are more than a few discussions on this topic, read through a few threads. I'm sure you'll find some helpful answers.

http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum ... aiths.html

[Siona]

This was the problem I had with my last partner. They were a Christian, and did not approve of my faith, they were worried about me going to hell, they wanted to have kids and raise them Christian, etc. It was just an almost daily lack of respect for my faith. For me, that spiritual aspect of myself is hugely important, and I could not be with someone who could not respect me and let me practice in peace. Only you can decide how much of a deal breaker it is for you. But if you are considering marriage you need to sit down with him and have a serious talk on several subjects...

Ask him if he will be able to respect this part of you. No trying to convert him, and he should not be trying to convert you... and likewise, will it upset him if there are pagan books, tools, or even altars in your home? Does he approve of you doing rituals and celebrating your faith in your home, even if you do it in privacy? Are the two of you planning a religious wedding, and what are your feelings on his probably wanting a Christian wedding? How do you both feel about children, and how they will be raised? If he doesn't want children exposed to paganism, are you okay with hiding your spirituality from them? Will he be okay knowing his partner does not follow his religion - does he want a partner who goes to church with him, reads the bible, etc? Is he okay that Christianity might not be a big part of his home/family life in that way? Are you okay with having a partner that wants nothing to do with your religion, even if he does end up saying he is okay with you practicing in private? What if you join a pagan related group, have pagan friends, will he be able to respect them?

You say you want to show him you're not that different, but well... you just might be. You don't believe in sin, need for forgiveness, and so on, while that is a major element of the Christian religion, which claims to be the only one true way, and if I remember right, the Bible says a Christian should not marry a non-Christian. Someone not that devout might not be that bothered, but you say he is devout, so if Christianity is a big part of his life he is going to struggle a lot with this, and perhaps with answering the questions above. You both might look into pre-martial counseling, or relationship counseling to work through some of these things. (Non-religious counseling! Do not go to a church counselor for this!)

Sorry to sound like such a downer, but these are big issues for some relationships even if both people are of the same religion. So when trying to mix two different religions, well, it gets even harder. Certainly it's not impossible, there are many mixed faith relationships (I'm in one!), but it comes down to mutual respect and similar life goals. If he can't respect you, or if your goals for the future do not align, you need to know that before marriage.

[lapislazuli16]

Thank you to everyone who has answered me. Luckily I have some time to really get my thoughts together on this since he is out to sea with the coast guard. Unfortunately he chose to bring this up at the worst and most inopportune time imaginably since we had to discuss through email.

I really hope we can come to an agreement and I am so thankful to find a place where there are like minded people. I don't have much experience finding other people who practice as I do, especially because I happen to reside in a southern state in the USA. My area is predominately Christian/ military members so it's hard to find like minded individuals.

Thank you to everyone.

[moonraingirl]

Hello Lapis, please keep us updated how things are going and let us know if you manage to solve the issue.

I think it's great that you are alone now and can think more deeply about this topic. It's time to meet your higher self.

[smogie_michele]

If anything, using this thread to vent can always help out a little as well. Of loading to those who are like minded can give you a sense of comfort.

[SnowCat]

If he's afraid that your lack of accepting Jesus Christ as your savior is going to compromise his faith, I would say that he's either insecure about his faith, or using that to cover something else that he's insecure about. He may be having some doubts about his own spirituality, and your path is not going to support his like the path of a devout Christian woman would.

Your path is your path, and he either will or will not be able to walk his path alongside yours. I believe that a healthy spiritual ecosystem requires diversity, just as a healthy physical ecosystem does. Neither of you should have to completely alter your path for the other.

Snow

[Kassandra]

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I am so thankful to find a place where there are like minded people. I don't have much experience finding other people who practice as I do...

Well, welcome to the board, lapislazuli16, and don't feel alone. You always have us, your little pagan e-family here.


It's ironic he discriminates against your religion as even the American military respects Wicca enough to issue Wiccan/pagan dog tags, as well as gravestone symbols. They honor the beliefs of a number different religions, even issuing camo headress to respect and accommodate personnel who are of the Sikh religion, for example. Too bad he is unable or unwilling to learn from that example.

The ironies abound, like how Christian beliefs and practices themselves are for the most part derived directly from a number of different pagan sources. I could go on and on about that one, but this would be quite a lengthy post and this has already been discussed quite a bit on this message board (including in a couple of posts that I have written), you just have to look around the forums for those threads.

But I guess someone like your boyfriend might say about all the points we're making here something to the effect that, "Yeah, all of that is well and good and everything...but it's different than actually marrying 'one,' " one being a non-Christian-and-therefore-hell-bound-sinner. So, we'd be wasting our breath, haha.

Basically, I second the points Siona made in her post, above. I would add that if he's not serious about you enough to at least agree to attend some non-religious relationship counseling sessions, your best bet is to cut your losses and move on, dear.



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