Lust

[rjmamula14]

So there is this person in my life I am physically attracted to but I’m not sure it’s anything more than sexual and I really don’t want to date because I am happy single and I look at getting the nerve to ask her out let alone going on a date as just time consuming. Yet, the attraction is tormenting me. Advice?

[Firebird]

Ooo, maybe just lay it on the line, ask her out but let her know you intend on remaining single. (maybe not so sledgehammer as that though LoL)Do you want to be her friend or just a booty call? if you can get the parameters defined early on then there should be no expectations.
You may have to commit to a dinner, or a drink though, just don't call it a date!
good luck

[rjmamula14]

I respect her enough to want her as a friend and I would want the same from her. If she turns me down I’ll be relieved to know it wasn’t possible anyway.

[Firebird]

I would give it a bit of time then. Get to be friends, then maybe friends with benefits.
Lots of people do that, don't cancel yourself out before you've given it a shot. Ya know?
Got to say this though, sometimes going that one step beyond with a friend can ruin a relationship as friends. Just keep the lines of communication open.
BB, F.

[rjmamula14]

I like the advice and I will follow it, ignoring all the previous advice I have heard about avoiding the friend zone. I expect to have several encounters with her today so I will just have some friendly conversations.

[rjmamula14]

I would give it a bit of time then. Get to be friends, then maybe friends with benefits.
Lots of people do that, don't cancel yourself out before you've given it a shot. Ya know?
Got to say this though, sometimes going that one step beyond with a friend can ruin a relationship as friends. Just keep the lines of communication open.
BB, F.

For what it’s worth, I just found out she is taken, which comes as a huge relief.

[Firebird]

Oh, I'm sorry RJ. Perhaps you can still be friends?
bb, F

[rjmamula14]

Of course

[supremz]

In the future, try to put yourself out there and make your intentions known, while being honest about what you want to do with someone you're attracted to. No one likes being deceived by false pretenses.

[SilverMoon22]

Can we agree though, that not all great connections with the sex of interest is a possible love/sex connection? I think there is more to gain from a platonic relationship. And if she is taken, then she got more than you intended to give her. She deserves that, even if it ends in heartbreak.

I don't know! My opinion.

And I would definitely, if I were to ever be in that situation, make it known from the very beginning what my intentions are. Clearly stated. I would also refrain from pretending it is anything more than that to avoid confusion.

[rjmamula14]

Been a year since I made the post but I have a big update. I have decided in the past few months that I do not need or want a girlfriend or sex. Not to say that can’t change or the right reason. However, reflection shows how “following my hormones” had led to most of the bad decisions I have made over the course of my life. I am determined not to let that continue. There have been a few events in which I have seen and attractive lady and my will power has told me to forget about it.

Then there is the realization that porn does not reflect real sex and media in general does not reflect real life.

And it is just about proving to myself what I don’t need but proving to the world. I have also given up alcohol and goin to bars, because I didn’t need that culture.

[Firebird]

Wow, that's really a big change and a huge realization. I commend you for having this resolve, because sometimes when one stops trying to push the river, that which you really long for in your heart may show up. Don't be surprised if it does. One of my best ways to find something I've lost and the searching and searching is making me crazy, just give up, or for a better term, let go...and it almost always shows up right away.
And, you're right, the bar scene isn't the best place to find your forever person anyway. Blessings RJ
bb, Firebird