Doubt

[casnarl]

I am starting to think that my mental health is not in the place it should be for magic. I am finding that on my good days I 100% believe and on my bad days I doubt all of my efforts and I might as well not have done the spells in the first place. I am feeling as though that is the reason I'm not seeing anything come to fruition (or the fact it's only been a few weeks since I began) but I feel like even though I read you're generally supposed to let go and let the universe do what it does I feel like the only way for me to believe is to hang on to it. If I let it go it may as well not be working, and then I doubt, and then I get depressed, which makes me doubt further. It's like my mood doesn't stay high enough long enough for anything to work because it goes back down and I doubt and essentially cancel out everything I'd just done after only a day or two and am not giving anything a chance to even work. And as I understand magic doesn't work instantly I feel like I need to stay positive long enough to give the universe a chance and I'm just not doing that.

I am currently feeling the lowest I have in a few months. I was in a really good place for a while there and even everyone around me noticed I was more lively and more cheery but today it's just like I want to climb into my bed pull the blankets over my head and stay there for a very, very long time. I want to cry but I'm not sure what about. I almost want to give up on my efforts. I looked into magic as a way to get the life I feel I am deserving of, but when I get this low it's like do I really deserve what I'm wishing for? And I feel by even asking that, by even questioning if I deserve what I'm asking for in my spells, I'm immediately canceling everything out. I am having fun with magic and when I'm in a good mood I feel great and like everything is working and then I just crash and I'm not sure why I'm even trying.

I can't be the only one in this situation, or who has gone through this, so how do you keep believing when you feel you can't? I'm thinking I should take a break and just relax for a few days, or go to a doctor I'm not sure I've dealt with the ups and downs of my mood for about half of my time alive so I'm not asking for any sort of mental health help, but more how do you manage to do magic when your mental health is not well?

[nightshroud]

I do a lot of positive affirmations
I will admit my mental health isn't all that great due to my Asperger's but I try to work with my disability not against it it has worked wonders for me

[SpiritTalker]

@ Nightshroud - well said!

@Casnari - You said that you "feel like even though (you've) read you're generally supposed to let go and let the universe do what it does (you) feel like the only way for (you) to believe is to hang on to it. If (you) let it go it may as well not be working." One way to dispel this is to change mental train tracks each and every time you catch yourself thinking this way by doing some physical activity (sweeping away would be symbolic) or counting by threes as far as you can go to trick your mind into thinking of other things.

It's ironic that many of us are drawn to magic because we want more control of our lives, and then we have to learn to let go. This is some kind of universal law at work. I don't know what it's called but I think we've all been there. I've noticed that our effect on the Other planes frequently look like the reverse of the 3-D physical & polarities reverse. Example: mirrors are useful for gazing as everything is reversed & that triggers the mind's psi; or another ex: generally whatever our dominant gender is in life, our higher self or soul-self appears to us as the opposite polarity; Energy flows from negative polarity to positive polarity to manifest substance...or something like that. And a traditional altar set up divided negative/fem/left & positive/male/right uses this to benefit spells...blah blah, beside the point. Even using sigil magic to manifest a thought form we must plant it and forget it. It even helps to store the sigil so you forget what the sigil glyph means. To stop thinking about it shuts off the juice and releases the energy. Period. So because our minds will think of pink elephants if we are told not to think of them, we have to exert effort to side track ourselves after the initiating effort has been made.

[nightshroud]

@SpiritTalker thanks

[casnarl]

SpiritTalker,

That makes a lot of sense actually, I could relate it to how simply forgetting about my bad mood puts me in a good mood (or rather, distracted).

So in a nut shell you're saying it's all brain work, changing my way of thinking etc?

[casnarl]

I do a lot of positive affirmations
I will admit my mental health isn't all that great due to my Asperger's but I try to work with my disability not against it it has worked wonders for me

I'm not good at affirmations. All the repeating I get distracted and start forgetting what I'm saying. Wind up tongue twisted
That's great that you can make it work for you, not against you. I wonder how I could make my depression work for me.

[SnowCat]

Work on little things that will give quick results. Maybe something like "I will get a decent parking space today." Sometimes you have to start small. As far as making your depression work for you, maybe make it a challenge. "I will take a break from depression for the next ten minutes." And if it doesn't work at first, just tell yourself that you're still fine tuning things.

Snow

[nightshroud]

it took a lot of meditation and focus to get it to work with me not against me
and a lot of trail and error

[casnarl]

Work on little things that will give quick results. Maybe something like "I will get a decent parking space today." Sometimes you have to start small. As far as making your depression work for you, maybe make it a challenge. "I will take a break from depression for the next ten minutes." And if it doesn't work at first, just tell yourself that you're still fine tuning things.

Snow

I love that idea. I don't drive so I don't need a parking space, but I do have a test tomorrow I'm worried about. Would "I'm gonna do well on the test" be small enough?

[barker]

hi casnarl,

In alchemy they call that "drowning" - clinging to your thoughtform in such a way as it begins to control you. Suggest working on detachment: witnessing thoughts, deep breathing, conscious forgiveness and a neutral attitude to self. There is a way to be that doesn't care too much or too little. And yes it still gets the magic done.

[SpiritTalker]

SpiritTalker,

That makes a lot of sense actually, I could relate it to how simply forgetting about my bad mood puts me in a good mood (or rather, distracted).

So in a nut shell you're saying it's all brain work, changing my way of thinking etc?

More like awareness and action.

[casnarl]

hi casnarl,

In alchemy they call that "drowning" - clinging to your thoughtform in such a way as it begins to control you. Suggest working on detachment: witnessing thoughts, deep breathing, conscious forgiveness and a neutral attitude to self. There is a way to be that doesn't care too much or too little. And yes it still gets the magic done.

barker,
I have a couple of detachment meditations I found on youtube saved in a playlist. I haven't listened to them yet but maybe I will now.

SpiritTalker,
I think I'm pretty good at the awareness part, not so good at the action part. Maybe that'll come with age. I am still young. I'm often said to be mature for 21 but I am still figuring out life. And depression definitely throws a wrench in that but at least I'm aware.

[SpiritTalker]

Hmm, I'm still figuring out life's essential bliss. We each write our own script as we go. Some drama, some comedy, some adventure etc...and who knows?

[barker]

It's definately better to be doubting than to be in pain... Usually, it's just a compassion issue, actually.

[nightshroud]

the best way to deal with doubt is to not let it overcome you.
instead show that you can do anything you can put your mind to.