I'm trans MtF and I need serious help please...

[nature_in_control]

Hi all,

I could never quite find a word for how I felt since I was young, until I fount out that I am Transgender. I am SERIOUSLY upset with who I am. I don't feel right at all, and I can't get surgery because I'm too scared of how I'll look afterwards and being judged, and how my parents would react. I know, I'm 18 years old and can legally make my own decisions, but I don't want to drive my family from me. I wanted to know if anybody knew of any ways I could very subtly dress to be a bit more feminine, and express myself without too much negative reaction?

Bright blessings of Lilith,

James.

[Firebird]

Hi nature! It must be real hard to have to hide who you are from your loved ones. Like you said, trying to dress is a subtle ways to express your inner self would maybe be a way to slowly show the world who you really are.
I have a friend who specializes in LGBT therapy, she has helped many with their identities,... when a family member in this situation was a force that helped her to see there are a lot of people out there struggling with this. If you would like me to help you get in touch with her please PM me and I will see what I can do.
many blessings, Firebird

[Xiao Rong]

Dear Nature, do you have resources or a support group in your area with whom you can touch base? From what I've seen, transitioning is never easy, but it's really important to be who you really are. Have you come out to anyone you know? You might be surprised by how supportive your friends and family are - if they really love you, they won't mind at all.

[nature_in_control]

Thank you for replying. Unfortunately, no there are no groups I can get to without telling my parents, and my mum and dad are both very uneasy with my bisexuality, so telling them is out of the question. Most of my friends are very supportive of me as I have told them, however none of them can really help me either, as none of them are having or have experience with this subject.


Blessed be,

James

[lilmizsunshine727]

Maybe an online group you can join? I know it isn't the same as in person but it is people who are going through the same thing and people you can pour your heart out to. It's also private and your parents wouldn't have to know. Take it from someone who knows how badly bottling things up can hurt. You can't keep this locked inside, you should try to find someone who has a similar/same experience to talk about it with.

[Lillady]

Nature, I know a few people in your same situation and the transition is hard even when your family accepts and supports you. One of my closest friends is transgending into a female, she is slowly coming out and we that support her are very proud. She has even gotten to the point of posting facebook pictures with her newly sprouting chest. It is defintely a journey but in time it does get easier. I hope in time you will find those who will support you. For now please know you have friends here that do. Feel free to contact me if you ever just want to vent, talk or ask question/get advice. Blessed Be!

[Khaleesi]

I know, I'm 18 years old and can legally make my own decisions, but I don't want to drive my family from me.

When you become an adult, you have to start thinking about what makes you happy and healthy, not what makes your family happy and healthy. Live your life for yourself, not for your family, because one day they will be gone and what will you have left? You will end up having a life that you never really felt comfortable living to begin with. Be true to yourself and just accept the fact that they may very freak out and be prepared for that. Find a support system of others who are going through the same thing-- it's your best solution in a difficult situation like this.

I wanted to know if anybody knew of any ways I could very subtly dress to be a bit more feminine, and express myself without too much negative reaction?

You could start easily by just wearing feminine underwear. They will be beneath your regular clothes, so it will feel natural and good for you without everyone knowing right away. Maybe use some mascara or eyeliner-- lots of guys do this when they are "goth" or whatnot, so it's not that far-fetched. Get yourself some manicures and pedicures if that's your thing... maybe experiment with some nail polish and see how they react to it. And hair is always a great option... grow it long... dye it... bleach it... have fun with it!

So just... do whatever you feel comfortable doing! You don't owe anyone an explanation, really. Not even your family. Again, it's your life. You're 18 years old and this should be a time where you start uncovering who you really are as a person. So be who you are meant to be. Go watch some Rocky Horror Picture Show and feel proud of who you are. When you ooze confidence, people have a harder time telling you they disapprove of your choices. Later on, if you decided to get surgery, you won't struggle as much with the decision and those around you will have already pretty much accepted that it is what it is and get over their own issues with it.

May I also suggest a great documentary called Southern Comfort (2001). It deals with some individuals who have undergone surgery and their families' issues with it. Moving documentary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQ-JlnzNIps