Asking for help in emotional healing

[Muirìn]

Hello,

so, as I might not appear on other topic, I am going through an extremely hard phase in my life: the person I truly thought I was going to spend my life with just left me. This might sound "normal" and common, you might want to tell me that time heals all wounds, etc... And I do agree, only time can completely heal this deep wound.
But I will tell you something else: being bipolar doesn't make it easy. I am a type 2 bipolar much more prone to depression than hypomanic phase (sorry for the psychiatric blabber) and also have an issue with affection "addiction".
Furthermore, my job is extremely stressful (I'm a nanny for two very young kids), which doesn't help.

So please believe me when I say that I feel empty and dead inside, and that everyday life is just so not interesting now that... well, he's gone. (Though I have to say that the forum helps, I had forgotten how helpful forums can be) I do take my medication and but can't see a psychiatrist, so for now I'm using what first means I can, and this spell would be to help out, help go through the abyss of grief while trying to keep my head out of the water (cause I'm nearly drowning right now)

I have seen Ravencry's healing emotional pain spell, but I am not sure it'd be strong enough, specially since I am in no state of mind to cast it, even though I need it now. Does any of you know another powerful healing spell for emotional pain? Maybe turned more towards water (which is my element)? I would take any suggestion, even spells that I could then tweak to adapt to my situation. Also, spells that someone else could cast for me (I don't really know that works though ^^ )

Thanks a lot,

and a bright day to all!

[Sakura Blossom]

Muirin, please do not take any offense to what I'm going to tell you, okay? All of what I'm saying is to help you and to try to help you find peace. (:

There is no spell that will fix this for you. Magick is not a cure-all and as much as we'd really, really like it to be, it's not going to fix anything for us in this kind of way.

I fully understand exactly where you're coming from. Not with the relationship situation, but because I am Bipolar as well and I know what it feels like to experience numbness and feeling dead. However, magick is not the answer to try and fix this situation for you. I know that it's really, really hard to accept all of what you're going through and that magick seems like a viable and easiest option but magick can only assist you and it cannot cure everything for you.

It's good you're taking medication, because that will help, and I'm really glad you've found this forum because talking about your problems is the best therapy around! Casting spells, however, is not. They can only really assist with helping you feel better but they will not fix this situation for you.

You could do something with magick that might help assist you with confidence, such as asking for guidance and asking for strength while you work through this pain yourself, but there really isn't much more than that to help heal everything automatically.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I'm trying to help you. It would be better if you try to find support on this forum by talking about how you're feeling as well as trying to find a way to maybe see a therapist or your psychiatrist.

I've been in a low place recently too, and it's really sucky but you have to try to find support in the physical realm.

Hugs to you and I hope you're feeling better soon enough!

Bright blessings,

Sakura Blossom

[Muirìn]

I understand what you are saying, and thank you for it. But then it makes me realize that my intent didn't go through: I know that magick isn't a cure-it-all, and I'm not asking for that.
What I'm asking for is a spell that would help me go through all of this crap, not take it away or fix me overnight. I just need something that will help me in everyday life, to cope, give me strength and help the healing process simply by guiding me or soothing me.

I definitely know that I can't be fixed just like that, we're not in Harry Potter (and even if we were, except for the extreme Obliviate spell, I don't really think anything would help!). I just need help in areas "surrounding" the healing process.

As for the psychiatrist, the health system is kinda weird here and I'm not really used to it yet. But I asked my GP to recomend me, and in return, a week later or so, I got a letter saying, long story short, that I wasn't in a badly enough state to see a psychiatrist and that I should stay with my GP and take antidepressant... *facepalm* So yeah, I'm quite good at not showing because I've done it my whole childhood and teenage years, so I might look better or okay, but I'm not, though my GP doesn't see that.

Anyway, thank you Sakura Blossom, because if I had been lost and asking for an instant cure, what you just said would have helped. And also thank you for making me feel included here and telling me you're like me, which not a lot of people like to admit in public (unless they aren't really bipolar but think it's somehow "fashionable" ).

[Firebird]

Muurin, just as a daily practice...grounding is helpful. Walking in the garden bare foot is really good. My favorite though is finding a nice flat rock and getting prone upon it for as long as I can. The ones by my house are really high in silica content, that may be why they are extra soothing.
Another stone that may be helpful is lepidolite, I recommend jewelry or one to carry in your pocket. It has lithium in it, and a polished one would be nice, that way you could rub it when feeling stressed.

bb, Firebird

[MsMollimizz]

Muirin,
When I feel overloaded with feelings that aren't co-operating
and will not move to the back-burner to be worked on a little
at a time.
Find some water, rivers, creeks, lake, ocean; dangle your feet
in the water if possible. Feel the waters pulling those feelings
out your body and into the water to be re-charged. Pools may
help if that's all you have access to but natural waters work
the best.
Remember to thank the waters for their assistance in helping
you feel better.
Gentle Light
MsMollimizz

[Seraphin]

Hiya

For some people though including myself healing emotional wounds is more art than science, and there's no straight path to health, no well-defined solution that works similarly in all cases. I know a lot of folks who have attached less and less importance to the diagnosis of these psychiatric manuals. And they learned to live with themselves, not some description on a printed page. That being said, I believe magick could possibly help you BUT you have to consider certain aspects too such as psychological, emotional and spiritual.

Before I give you the spell, I think it's important to state these stuffs too: Gravitate toward people who have the ability to openly accept the aspect of your sickness and see beyond it. Look out for the people who have the openness of mind and spirit to accept and value you, despite the fact that well... your mind sometimes shatters. Find some people who could instinctively understand that mental imbalance or psychological disorder isn't contagious and that you who experience episodic breakdowns of the mind and spirit can still possibly function well, work effectively, and contribute to the community.

If you're taking medications and exploring various treatment options, just be careful and discriminating when choosing practitioners and modalities. Ask questions before agreeing to medications and, to a large extent, learn what does and doesn't work for you. I strongly advice to have an ongoing talk therapy to a professional, including psychoanalysis, this will help you gain insight, medical advice, self-awareness and coping skills.

Of course, it's not only therapy that could help you develop better emotional wound curing and coping skills. So does living life. Teach yourself to gain more resilience and adaptability when dealing with the unavoidable ups and downs. Learn to avoid certain potential triggers and deflect others through better coping mechanisms. This simple remedy might lessen the effect of the illness on your day-to-day life, and for long stretches of time, I believe you'll certainly forget there's anything unusual about you at all.

Anyhow, this is the spell that might help you, do this spell frequently (maybe monthly) while you're working out your mundane lifestyle and taking your medications and treatment.

EMOTIONAL HEALING SPELL

You will need:
-a black candle
-cocoa grains
-burnt rice grains

-mirror
-a wand (preferably, willow)
M
-salt
-2 copper coins
-2 teaspoons of orris root powder
-2 teaspoons of dried jasmine
-a mixing bowl
-2 drawstring bag

Think of your negative emotions, situation or condition. Your body might begin to react to this thought, with either a slight twitch, drowsiness, mild head ache, cramp, emptiness in the solar plexus area, even a flutter of the heart. Carefully get the grains and hold it in your hands firmly against your solar plexus. Release all thoughts, feelings and emotions you perceived while thinking of your negativities. Visualize them flowing and going to the grains. Those feelings or emotions might be feelings of depression, distress, anxiety, worry, confusion, etc.

When you feel that they now contain all these emotions, get the black candle and gently rub it with the grains from the middle outward to the ends. Light the candle.

After that, get the mirror and look at yourself. Get the wand and visualize it as made of light. It's so powerful it can influence your mind, body and soul. Once you accept it, believe that you can make your own reality. Start pointing your wand at your chest as you require change in emotion. Change the way of your thinking, mindset, awareness and consciousness too, point it at your head. Wave your wand in front of you, visualizing all the wounds in your body (physical, emotional, astral) healing.

Now put salt, orris root powder and dried jasmine into the bowl. Mix them thoroughly and say some suitable words. Pour half the mixture into one drawstring bag and another half into another bag along with the copper coins and your drawing. Keep the spell bags and sleep with it under the pillow until the day you see yourself healing and changing.

This spell however isn't water inclined but I just thought I'd post.

[Vesca]

Sorry, novel incoming.

Since the spiritual has been touched on a bit, and I'm sure others have things they could contribute to that part, I'm just going to add a bit to what Sakura Blossom said regarding the "mundane" methods.

The issue with mental/emotional challenges and the medical system is that where a broken leg is easy to see, diagnose, and fix because it's "there," a mental illness may not always show its effects when a doctor is looking. And because of that, there is a tendency to brush those kinds of concerns off until some emergency situation comes along and they are forced to see it. This isn't just a UK/NHS phenomenon, this happens everywhere. Your options are the same too.

You need to push the topic with your GP. Counter it, write out what you're going through if you can, ask to take the Mental Status Exam (MSE) or another similar exam that includes actual questions regarding your feelings and thoughts and is a tool professionals use for formal diagnosis. You need to be willing to fight to keep yourself healthy in this regard. And yes, it's not right and it's infuriating that those who need help are often subjected to this struggle to receive health care. But for your own sake, you need to try.

I'm guessing you're working through the NHS route. I'm just going to throw this out there, there are always private practitioners. Affordability is another story altogether, but as I don't know your financial situation or what is offered in your area, I'm going to mention it anyway.

Onto the next topic; support groups. Could your GP recommend any support groups in your area? There are also countless forums online that pertain to coping and recovering from mental issues. I only mention this because I'm in one for one of my more lasting challenges, and it is helpful to me just knowing that there are other people out there who have walked where I am and have made it out the other side whole. Just a place to vent your harder moments.

Blogging may be helpful too, or just writing in general. Or otherwise look to your already-established hobbies that keep you in the moment. These, plus taking care of yourself physically (eating, sleeping), and doing things for yourself once in awhile are all parts of self care and will help you to cope better.

This last point is one I would really encourage you think about for more than a passing second, because it's one I think warrants some attention if it hasn't been looked at recently. When was the last time you discussed your medication with your GP? Specifically, how well it's working for you? Are there side effects? Is it doing less in the way of helping you handle things now than it had in the past? If you see your GP regularly and this comes up often, and is given due attention, this disregard this part. Meds are one of those fickle things where they can sometimes stop working as well due to whatever reasons, or your needs change, or side effects develop, etc...

Bipolar is not an easy path, and I'm sure Sakura can attest to that. And you, like all of us, owe it to yourself to look at all your options and do as much as you can on many different fronts to keep yourself safe and moving forward.

Time may heal most wounds, but if you need someone to talk to, then you need someone to talk to.

[Muirìn]

I can't really answer to everything right now, but I just really, REALLY wanted to say thank you. From deep deep inside what's left of my heart, thank you, to all of you.

[Vesca]

You don't have to answer to everything. As long as it helps. It is nice knowing it's been read at least. ^^

[Muirìn]

I know I don't have to, but I want to, because I have been on forums before and it's always nice to see someone who really read what you wrote and really does want to answer, so here goes:

Firebirdflyes, thank you for the advice on the stones, looks very useful! I love to do grounding in the sand just at the edge of the water (so that answer is also for MsMollimizz ), where the wave dies and goes back to the sea . But in London it's kinda difficult, though I am planning a trip to the sea soon, I need it.

Seraphin, thank you for the spell and the advice. I am careful of what meds I take, because other than my treatment, I very rarely take any other and prefer herbal teas, essential oils, etc...
I am lucky enough to have such people in my life, who know and acknowledge the fact that I have a mental illness and everything that goes with it, but see through that to how special it makes me. But right now these friends, or even my family, are not enough, because it's basically not the same. They can't fill in this gaping hole, they can't give me this very particular feeling of knowing that someone, somewhere, loves you for who you are, wants you for what your body look like and spends endless amount of time talking to you for what you think, how you speak, the way you say "I love you" and can't get enough of it.
I am resilient, I've been through a lot, believe me. But being resilient starts by falling down. And this time I haven't even hit the ground, I've directly fallen into a dark gap, which is why I ask for help.

Vesca: don't worry, I love novels (look at this one!) Thank you for all this advice and also for putting yourself in my shoes. I am very careful of my medication, and for instance, refused to take antidepressant when my GP wanted to give me some. And that is also why I wanted to see an actual psychiatrist, who "knows what he/she's doing", because giving antidepressant to a bipolar is big no no!
I've been keeping my levels in check, though I've asked several times to up my lithium dosage because I know it's not enough, but no, I had to redo blood test 200 times, and since I work from Monday to Thursday and the surgery is closed when I finish and on week ends, it only give me Fridays to go there -_-
But I like your idea of really asking for the MSE, and also the support group.
For the private practise, I'm not sure I have the financial means to, otherwise I'd have gone there directly!
As for the hobbies, that's what I'm doing. After a few weeks of silence, I'm back in burlesque, trying to get stage time and win contests. I read a lot and also binge watch tv shows, and of course I'm diving into witchcraft! ^^

again, thank you, and if you have any other spell or meditating method (specially involving water), don't hesitate!

Bright day to you all!

[Vesca]

Vesca: don't worry, I love novels (look at this one!)

I lol'd. =P

Just going to add a little note, just in case. Psychiatrist = medical practitioner who relies on medication prescriptions. By the sounds of it, you probably want to be looking for a psychologist or counselor (talking oriented).

Some private practitioners may have a scale model for payment (based on your finances), or may offer less frequent visits more focused on giving you tools for coping on your own, along with some talking through things. Can't hurt to window shop at any rate.

I'm really happy to see that you take control of your medications and you know what you do/do not want/need and how to go about taking the steps and assuming the responsibility to handle that aspect. I have talked to so many people who simply... don't. It's heartbreaking to hear it, and worse to hear a few days later that they had an episode and landed in the ER after police intervened (yes, I think of extremes far too often).

I'm also happy to see you're diving into hobbies. They're the best coping tool I've ever come across in my life, with my own challenges, and the best non-professional way to keep your mind focused and moving forward. Even just the act of "creating" or using up energy is cathartic.

[Seraphin]

Hiya again!

One thing that I want to add when finding a professional (psychologist, counselor, etc.) is search for someone (I know this is hard) who understand that the products of the brain are useless when dispensed without heart. Humility, empathy, sympathy, understanding, sincerity and respect must be at the front lines of any attempt to heal sufferers of mental illness.

I recommend you to read books from Kay Redfield Jamison such as the "An Unquiet Mind". Ms. Jamison has more recently written a book entitled "Touched with Fire" that is more research oriented but fascinating in its enumeration of statistics and other relevant factual information that lead to the conclusion that many of people like you who are "touched with uhmmm... psychological disorder" are artist of different sorts (dancers, performers, poets, writers, painters and other such passionate types).

I mention this because you said you like performing in stage and practice witchcraft, so I definitely think you're an artist at heart. If so, I encourage you to unleash your artistry, wild imagination and inner creativity, as you're able with regard to your particular inclinations.

And I encourage you to write as well or make a blog as Vesca suggested, speak out and let the world learn about you and your sickness if you can and are able. Silence hurts. Words help.

May you be blessed with your own spirit community and always with the help from your Deities and Highest Ideals Who are especially close to struggling souls and who seeks to help those who aspire to greater heights.

[Muirìn]

Thank you for the encouragement Vesca, means a lot to hear I'm actually doing the right thing ^^

I know a psychiatrist relies on medication, but I need this medication and won't deny it. The only thing is a psychiatrist, unlike some GP, actually know what they should and shouldn't do. And they have to take time to listen to you anyway, because that's also how you see if the treatment is working.
Fortunately (or not), I've been repressing this illness since a I was a child (I just didn't know what it was and got diagnosed at 22yo) so I have great capacity to hold myself back (which sometime really makes me wonder what the f**k would be going on if I released all of it!) and thus try to keep balance on the tight rope. But I do think about extremes too, mine would be much more towards deep depression then suicide :/

Thank you for the book recommendation Seraphin, I'll definitely take a look at it! I am trying to unleash (in the limit of my environment and my purse, cause costume DO cost a lot!) my imagination, I have so many act ideas going through my head, it's crazy! (pun intended). It's still hard to put on a façade, get inside your own skin and pretend to be an excited happy you. But the show must go on (got it tattooed, now it's going to serve its purpose) and, well, I'll just have to fake it til I make it.
I use to write, a LOT when I was a teenager, I even wrote fan fictions (oh, memories...), and I had a novel project up until I met my boyfriend. The thing is, it was a novel about a love story, rooting from my lack of love life. Now I'm not sure I could pick it up... I'll see. And I use to want to become a photographer, but it's just so hard :/ I keep on taking pictures though ^^
But it still helps to be able to talk to you. I had forgotten what it felt like to be on a forum with like minded people who won't judge you for things other people would find weird

Thank you and bright day to you!

[cloverfox]

You don't have to justify or apologize your feelings of heartache. We have all been there and you cannot distinguish one person's healing from another. It is your own, and you feel how you feel and heal how you heal, do not worry though, we are here for you.

With that said, I'm going through some rough patches with my very serious boyfriend at the moment. We are kind of taking a month apart but talking on the weekends and I am working on my own healing as well. I have emotional issues, unspecified, but mostly pertaining to feelings of inadequacy. While I do use meditation or energy work or spells or whatever you want to call them, to help me feel better, my primary source of getting to a better place has been self-help books! Most of them even have worksheets at the end of each chapter.

It takes time, but sometimes having something like that to focus on and make a goal each day to finish a chapter is a good thing and gives a sense of accomplishment and healing and moving on. And after you have reached a daily goal, do some meditation or self-reflection as a supplemental thing. Light a candle and incense, hold a positive energy or healing stone like rose quartz and just give yourself positive affirmations and tell yourself everything is going to be okay. Sounds cheesy but it works if you're serious and focused and truly want to feel better.

I don't know how helpful this will be, but I hope that you are already on a journey to a better place. I didn't read all of the posts, so I may have missed something, but wanted to contribute anyway

[AdastraJunction]

I've been biting my tongue about this subject for a while now and I thought I would chime in my bit. I lost my husband (6yrs in May) very suddenly, he was my best mate, childhood sweetheart and the most beautiful person anyone could have had the privilege to have met. I fell into a very, very deep depression that I thought I would never surface from, you would have thought I too had died that day. I literally ran away to another COUNTRY to forget my sorrows and pain. I could not stand to see his family every day for another moment or be reminded of him another second.

It has taken me this long to heal from that wound. I am finally accepting this loss thanks to my new found mates here and pouring my heart and soul into my dance studio, my art work commissions and my new life. I've also been battling a second bout of cancer and had my last chemo treatment this week.

I'M STILL HERE and I AM STILL ALIVE! I am a SURVIVOR in so many ways. Find solace in the fact that all of us here support you and care about your well being as I am sure your friends and family do IRL. I found alternate ways to get out my emotions and deal with my loss and sorrows by channeling them into something amazing for other people to enjoy so that I can see that my hard work made someone else happy in-turn making me happy too. All is not lost, you must become what you are meant to be without the weight of your sorrows. Be the survivor I know you are, you do not need a past relationship to define you in the NOW. Live for the day not for the past or what could have been and never will be. Only you can brighten your darkness, I know you can... and you will.