Converting From Christianity to Wicca: Advice please?

[Erydiel]

Hello there! I am Erydiel, and I am new to these forums, and the Wicca religion itself.
I kinda have a long story here that brought me here, so I guess I can tell my life's story so far (I recently turned 18 this year in February). I don't normally tell many people about myself like this, but since I'm knew to pretty much everything I wanted to try and have a fresh start, at least with when it comes to terms about the Internet side of me haha
Well, I was born and raised in New Orleans, Louisiana(USA) in 1996, and have lived there until Hurricane Katrina happened. Because of those events, my mom and I ended up moving to Baton Rouge, Louisiana, and this is where I currently live today. Before the events of Katrina, my father died the year before( I was 8 years old), and then after Katrina, the same year my grandmother passed away, and so now it's just my mother and I. So, two major events happened the same year.
Although these things happened, there were 2 separate things that have happened during this time that felt like it was a little strange for me. 1) The night before my father passed away, I had a dream as to where I was in a dark room, and there was a door that was open in front of me shining a bright light. My father was standing in front of me, and when he saw me he hugged me and told me he loved me, and then the dream ended. It was very strange dream, but I thought nothing of it. But then, the very next morning, while my father was driving to work(my mom was sitting in the passenger seat), he had a heart attack, and before he arrived at the hospital had passed away. Then, during my father's funeral, even though I couldn't see anything, I was sure that I felt a strong presence in there, and I felt like my father was there letting me know that everything was alright. I'm still not sure on this part, but I knew that I felt SOMETHING.
2) Although the events of her passing was diferent, the SAME exact dream came when my grandmother passed away overnight.

At the time, I wasn't sure why these things were happening to me. One thing was happening after the next, and it felt like my life was going in a spiral-plus, I wasn't even 10 years old when these things were happening!

Either way, life went on, and after a year of living in Baton Rouge, my mom and I were on the interstate going somewhere(I don't remember where), and we suddenly had a flat tire. We were going to be stuck there for awhile, but man stopped by and helped us get to a gas station nearby and fix our tire, and I was very happy for that That man was very kind for helping us at our time in need. Before he left, he asked my mom and I if we went to church, and when she said no, he told her about Jesus and God and that we should go to church and everything. In short, after that happened, my mom and I started going to a Baptist church a few weeks later.
Of course, as I was learning more and more I started to become more happy, and I did go to youth retreats here and there and everything that a young Christian would do. However, deep inside, I knew that something...wasn't exactly right.
For several years, as I was growing up, the more I learned of Christianity, and how things were going on at church and the people there...it wasn't making me happy at all. I felt my relationship with God growing distant, and all in all I didn't really feel like a Christian. I was putting up an act; and deep inside I knew I wasn't. What I felt was what I have felt all those years ago before the events of Katrina: a girl who was living her life, trying to make it in school and building for a greater future. Everyone that I know(except for 2 friends now-they know that I'm converting to Wicca) believes that I am a strong Christian; not knowing the true me. I still continue to put up the fact that I am, even though I'm not. And because most of the people that I know ARE Christian, I'm scared to let them know that I'm not anymore due to their reactions, and also the fact that they know my mom and came from my previous church mentioned here *sight*
I have a friend that I have known now for 4 years, and even though I didn't know if he had a religion at all since it was a private question to ask(plus he's gay-I have nothing against them, in fact I love them because they are awesome friends-but I thought because of the religion question I thought he might be sensitive towards it-honestly idk anymore and I'm just rambling now), I never really asked. And, this year, a few weeks before our high school graduation, I found out from another friend that he is Wiccan(he tells me now that he's more like pagan in general-he's experimenting, but still), and I was surprised. Since this was new to me and I didn't really know much. And since I knew that I wasn't really a Christian anymore anyways, I was already interested in learning about any religion, honestly. It was always a topic that I was interested in since middle school.
Either way, the more that I researched and learned about Wicca, the more happy I was, and my gut feeling was telling me that Wicca just felt so right.
When I confronted my friend about it, he confirmed that he was, in fact, Wiccan. We couldn't talk much about it afterwards since it was already the last day for school for us seniors, so that was that. Ever since that day, I started researching a little bit here and there on Wicca, and I knew in my heart that this is the spiritual path that I truly want to be in. I told my friend of my decision on our graduating day, and he had a smile on his face saying that he knew already( I was like say whaaaa xD).However, there are some problems that I'm facing that are limiting my choices of being truly a Wiccan(and just feeling free, really).
First of all, my mom is Christian. Plus, she is a really strict Asian parent. There is no way she is going to know about my conversion until I can move far away(that is going to take a really long time....)
Second of all, since I'll be going to college soon(and still living with my mom), I won't be able to afford much. I also won't be able to buy anything Wicca-related(so like textbooks, books, ritual items for spells, not even a necklace(well, maybe I can do something about the necklace, but still...)) without my mom knowing about it. I want to move out, but I can't right now due to financial obligations.
I want to keep on studying, keep on learning, meet more witches out there, maybe even be in a coven, idk...but it has to be free. No costs, and entirely on the Internet...where I can hide all evidences with a click of a button, and my mom would never know. Basically, anything that I need or want to do Wicca-related that's OUT of my mom's view. Otherwise, I'm fine with showing the whole world who I really am.

So, yeah, this is my story...so...
Any advice that anyone can give me, and for anyone else that's in the same situation just like I am? I am entirely new to Wicca, and I really don't know what to do now. When you're a Christian, all you have to do is go to church and read the Bible, etc etc, but I know with Wicca it is completely different. So, can anyone help me out? I'll really appreciate it!^^

Blessed be,

Erydiel

[Obsidian]

Hello, Erydiel and welcome.

You mentioned that you don't feel comfortable talking about being Wiccan and that's 100% fine. There is a quote from Scott Cunningham which says 'religious freedom is just that- freedom of religion, freedom from oppressive religions, and the freedom from discussing your faith'. If anyone pries into your spiritual beliefs just tell them that it's a personal matter. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Check out this website for some free Ebooks on all sorts of 'magickal' paths. (Much thanks one again to the original member who posted this link) http://www.themagicknook.com/ebooks/

You can use the website http://www.meetup.com to find groups of people in your area who have similar interests to you.

If you don't have any tools, don't worry. Any kind of magic is primarily about concentration an intent. Any tools you may use are only aids to help you focus or visualize. Also, all Paganism (and therefore Wicca) is centered around nature so going to the beach, talking a walk in the park, looking up at the clouds or the night sky- even admiring and tending to any plants in your yard if you have one provide you with an opportunity to connect to the earth energies.

If you want to make an altar in your house but are worried about it being found, there was a thread here somewhere (which I now can't find) about how you can make an altar that no one will suspect of being an altar. E.g. use pictures of saints to represent pagan deities or use nature pictures to represent the elements.

[TwilightDancer]

Oh wow, this thread is right up my street.

I first started experimenting with witchcraft when I was 15. I was living with my grandparents who were insanely Christian-to the point of violence towards anyone that didn't agree with them. Lucky for me I had a trunk in my room where I kept all of my "witchy" items. I put alot of random crap on top of it all to keep anyone from having a reason to dig further. When I moved out I left a few things behind by accident and they found them but hey- too little to late- right?
There are a few things I would do, that helped me feel like I wasn't alone.
Instead of "witchy" Jewelry I would get jewelry that only I knew what it meant, Like sun and moon necklaces.
I used birthday candles for rituals.
I grew a flower in my room to represent Earth.
I used a snow-globe to represent water.
I would use the window to represent air.
and don't feel bad if you can't get a wand or athame, to this day I still prefer to use my index finger.
There is also a Book of Shadows section on this website where you can start your own book, and no-one will know about it but you and the members here.

I'm not saying that this is what you should do. I'm just shraing my experience, and maybe it will help you to get creative. You can do anything you put your mind to.

Edit: Good books to read that are offered on the website Obsidian suggested are:
Complete Book of Witchcraft by Raymond Buckland
Wicca- A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham
Wicca- A further Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham


Blessed Be

[Erydiel]

Thank you for both of your replies! The information given is really useful, especially with the link to the ebooks. I do have a plant and window to represent earth and air, but since I don't have any candles, I'll have to figure out something for fire...I do keep a cup of water in my room all the time to stay hydrated so that should work too haha

Any other information that is given would be very appreciated~
I think there are many people who are in this type of similar situation, so it would be great if this topic keeps on growing for many others to see and learn from ^_^

Blessed be,

Erydiel

[BabyBear]

heiya just thought i would throw in what i do also cus im kinda in the same situation

1. I actually use to check out young adult fiction books from the the library that i had researched that actually tell true facts about wicca and paganism and got them, this sounds silly but honestly it helped, you actually remember the stuff you learned because its in a story that captures your attention, you checked them out of the library so they go back and dont stay in the house, and you learn all sorts of things and the incantations in the books actually give you ideals of things to do on your own, and im not talking about harry potter books, this is the author i loved the most and who i thought gave the best option
http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum ... 27371.html
i posted about her on here and that shows some of the incantations that were in her books and gives a link to the books shes written

2. Another thing for me was finding online sites that offer free ebooks so that i could hide them on my pc in a folder hidden from everyone, I didn't know about Obsidian's link until recently but there is another place that i love to go, it might not always have the book your wanting, and you have to play around with how you search on the site some times they use the name of the book and not the author others its the other way around but all you do it go on the site, type what you wont into the search change the search section from normal to ebook and there you go it gives you links to where someone posted the ebook for you to download http://forum.mobilism.org/viewforum.php?f=1292

3. DIY. I know that things would seem odd if i bought statues or tools for my alter, which is actually just candles that i keep on a table with a flower arrangement that i made from flowers that to me are linked to my goddess and god and a cardbord siluate i made of a wolf for my spirit animal in a picture frame above it. This is what it looks like sorta i dont keep all that stuff out just the candles nad the flower, the wolf is now in a picture frame and the paw print didnt raise any questions so its also frames now on the wall, the string dosnt ever stay up there its usually in my art folder.
http://samnikkiejournal.blogspot.com/20 ... r-atm.html
The flowers are fake but still can rep earth along with the fish tank pebbles i added to keep the flowers standing, the candles fire and air, the air conditioner going in my house is air also, and for water tea or a drink of any kind that i drink after im done.
anyway back to the DIY, like the flower arrangement i made you can do other things to represent things you "cant" have.

For protection jewelery just get some black gemstone or just black and white jewelery in general, even some 10 dollar plastic black jewelry sets works because the colors rep cleansing negativity and protection, i have a pair of black onyx earing with fake diamond shards i got from the mall for $20 for prom that i still use for protection and i also got this black necklace and earing set, plastic and black beaded but still i use them.
I even have this blue and purple bracelet made out of yarn, no one would think that it has a meaning to me or that it had "wiccan" properties but blue and purple help promote self esteem, harmony, spirituality and understanding.I found that its best to play with colors when it comes to jewelry and not worring about it being a pentagram or a crystal or something like that, in fact i now make bracelet with crystal beads for some of my spells and give them to friends to help them when they ask me to and they just look like friendship bracelets, in fact i posted a few of the combinations i use in my BoS on here. And like Twilight said you can find all sorts of things that have a meaning that no one would raise an eyebrow about, owls, feathers, starts everything has a meaning of some sort you just have to look for them.
http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum ... 26933.html

4. Tarot since i cant have a tarot deck here at my gramas I decided to look into Cartomancy and just use regular playing cards you get at the store for like $2. They are a great way to learn to read cards, way easier to get then tarot, less to remember, and dont have any reverse meanings. You can even use them for divination of yes and no questions yes being the 9 of Hearts no being the 9 of Clubs (the clover looking suite).

5. As for tools, i dont use any for my spell casting or just general workings because to be honest im find with visualizations. I visualize a bubble of light around me growing till it surrounds where im working and then go from there. And most of the herbs i use are found in the kitchen cabinet. Ive never used an athame but if you wonted you could just use a kitchen knife and put that back when your done.

People tend to forget that wicca at its roots was about working with what you have and not about having all the right things or what others said you had to have. You dont need all the things unless you feel you need them and even then you can use what you have not something fancy and expensive.


hoped i helped in any way ik i rambled a bit sorry ><
bb
baby bear

[BabyBear]

oh and also check out loonas post on how you can make sandwitches into spells to promote feelsing like peace or help aid you in your desires its a really good thought/concept
http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum ... ch#p198327

[loona wynd]

There are many things you can do.

You can have prayers to deities and spirits. You can even make prayers into rituals and spell work. Prayer work is the corner stone of my practice. By working with prayers I can do basically everything I need to stay connected to the deities and spirits I work with on a regular basis.

You can look at using food for spells and rituals too. The different spices and items we use in our food dishes actually have spiritual properties to them. By working with those properties consciously in your work you can create a meaningful and tasty meal that is powered by your intent. You can even use that as your worship as well.

If you want an altar but can't keep it up all the time make setting up the altar part of the ritual. If you dont want or cant have statues you can use items like flowers or shells to represent the deities you work with. You may find things in nature that will work for you and your rituals.

If some one asks if you believe in God you can say that you do. You dont have to tell them its not the same God or the way they look at God. If they go in to depth you can then say its personal. You have your own relationship with the Gods and that is all that matters.

If you can't keep a physical book of shadows or journal you can keep one here or on your computer. You can also create here on this website a cyber altar or shrine to work with. You can then use that for your work. It may be in the mind and not physical but the ritual work in the mental state and in your heart is just as effective as a full ritual.

[Opal~Ink]

Here's some tips I just found today for those practicing in secret.
http://thepaganstudygrouppage.tumblr.co ... ing-in-the

[Erydiel]

Thanks for the more info! All of these suggestions are really wonderful and very helpful. I have already started on reading some of the ebooks that were suggested, and now am trying to make an altar that doesn't seem to look like one haha.
Either way, I really appreciate all of this!
Also, I was wondering-how exactly does casting spells work? Even with/without the items needed for a spell, how does one exactly go about in doing it? Is there a proper way/certain way to do a spell each time(no matter what kind of spell it is), or do you just say the chant itself, etc etc?

[Heartsong]

Also, I was wondering-how exactly does casting spells work? Even with/without the items needed for a spell, how does one exactly go about in doing it? Is there a proper way/certain way to do a spell each time(no matter what kind of spell it is), or do you just say the chant itself, etc etc?

Well, different people are probably going to tell you different things about how spells work, but, to me, the most you have to have in order to cast a spell is good visualization skills. Casting a spell is, basically, directing energy in the direction that you desire it to go. Chants, tools, and ritual are used to enhance this energy, but also as memory triggers. It's like memorizing key words and phrases when studying for an exam. They help prepare you for the work ahead. For me, energy is something that I can feel, and sense, around and within me. By visualizing myself using that energy (for example, pushing energy up my arm and out of my fingertips), I can channel it as I desire. Most witches will use whatever they feel they need to make themselves comfortable enough and confident enough that they can do just that.

Here's a link to a thread where I discussed how to craft a spell. It might be helpful in figuring out how spells work.

[Obsidian]

Is there a proper way/certain way to do a spell each time(no matter what kind of spell it is), or do you just say the chant itself, etc etc?

I don't know about traditional Wicca so I won't comment on that but in other forms of witchcraft there is no one and only way to cast a spell. A lot of people will tell you to do what feels right for so that you can do it sincerely. For example, if you find a spell that has big grandiose words that you think are a bit pompous, it's 100% okay for you to reword the spell so that it's something that you feel comfortable saying.

Some people cast circles and call the quarters, others don't. There's no definite right or wrong. Do what makes sense to you, do what you're comfortable with and say what you mean. As Heartsong mentioned, it's all about visualization. Really want what you're asking for. Get emotional. See what you want to achieve and visualize how you will feel and what you life will be like once your spell is successful. This is the most important part of any spell. Without this, just saying the chant itself is unlikely to work- you may as well be rattling off a grocery list.

[loona wynd]

Also, I was wondering-how exactly does casting spells work?

Its a practice of focusing and directing energy with intent. The true power behind the spell lies in your mind and your emotional power. Think about the power of emotions ins your day to day life. When you work a spell you can focus that emotional energy into a form and send it out into the universe based on the need or intent/desire behind the spell.

Even with/without the items needed for a spell, how does one exactly go about in doing it?

You dont need any items to cast a spell. You can cast a spell purely with your mind and body. There is a lot of talk about needing herb and crystals to do spell work. The fact is those items are tools to add power to your spell. All you really need to work a spell is mental focus and concentration. You can draw symbols in the air with your hand and send the energy to the universe through that symbol. So long as you can picture in your mind what you want and you can focus and direct that energy with the emotional force behind it to the universe you can cast a spell without any tools. The mind is the most important part in spell casting.

Is there a proper way/certain way to do a spell each time(no matter what kind of spell it is), or do you just say the chant itself, etc etc?

There are as many ways to cast spells as there are witches. You can cast spells through the food you eat, you can cast spells through using candles and herbs, you can cast spells with just your mind and body. magical work can be done in basically any way you want to make it work. The one thing that all spells have is a focus of intent and direction of that energy to the universe. Other than that you can basically do anything you want with your spells.

The focus on visualization and mental focus is one of the reasons many magical texts do a lot of meditation and visualization exercises before they start actual spell work. Bu doing this you can strengthen those mental mussels and gain strength. These early skills also come in handy for doing ritual work. As when you cast the circle and call down the Gods you need to be able to sense them psychically or with your minds eye.

[loona wynd]

Get emotional. See what you want to achieve and visualize how you will feel and what you life will be like once your spell is successful. This is the most important part of any spell. Without this, just saying the chant itself is unlikely to work- you may as well be rattling off a grocery list.

I dont know about that. I mean there are folk spells I have found that are entirely based on the chants said. If the intention is wrapped up in the chant then it will be effective. There are people who can't visualize persay but they can vocalize their work. This is magic through voice and chants.

I also think that affirmations are a type of spell that are done just with words. The way the words are said creates a change in the mind and the body over time. This is what causes the spell to work. Affirmations are statements of intent. So if the chant is a statement of intent you are directing energy through the statement.

Affirmations have power because of the repetition. So even if you cant see the energy being sent out, by repeating them over and over again you build power and focus. That power and focus is then sent out to the world. Affirmations work within as well as without. So visualization is not necessary. The intent is in the words.

Intent is really the important thing. Directing the energy with intent to form your desire is important. If you can't visualize but you can vocalize and know that the energy is being sent out with your words you can still work magic. This is why Affirmations can create changes both within the self and without of the self. The affirmation is a statement of Intent (like I am prosperous, I am successful, I am loved) that when said in the positive and in the moment will cause changes in the mind which then causes changes in reality.

Its still energy work through emotions and words, but no visualization is needed. For some they can't always see that which they want. However they can feel it in their body and their mind. So by using words and body language they can direct that intent out to the universe.

[Obsidian]

Sorry, maybe I didn't express myself correctly in my last sentence. What I meant was, if you just say the chant but your mind is elsewhere as you do so, then you're not concentrating on your words and therefore not putting any intent behind them. As you say, the intent is the most important part and what I meant was, you can't be focusing your intent if your mind is on other things while you're saying the words.

Also, I hadn't taken into consideration that you can focus on your words and make them more powerful as you do so. Sorry.

[loona wynd]

Sorry, maybe I didn't express myself correctly in my last sentence. What I meant was, if you just say the chant but your mind is elsewhere as you do so, then you're not concentrating on your words and therefore not putting any intent behind them. As you say, the intent is the most important part and what I meant was, you can't be focusing your intent if your mind is on other things while you're saying the words.

That I would agree with. There is power in words. There is a reason why the power of affirmations is taught both in witchcraft classes and in psychology classes. Affirmations can change the way you see things and look at things simply by using repetition. Affirmations are a powerful form of verbal magic.

Also, I hadn't taken into consideration that you can focus on your words and make them more powerful as you do so. Sorry.

Tools aren't needed to make magic. While they can certainly help all you need is your emotion and an intent. The rest is icing on the cake as it were. Tools like herbs and crystals can help focus intent and can add energy aside from your emotional and mental energy. I like working with these tools. However much of that work does require visualization and that is something that lately I have not been able to do quite as well as I could before. So I have started to focus on using words with intent and directing the energy of the words said to the universe.