Lack of courage

[Paperdoll]

My current relationship is dead, at least for me, not for my boyfriend. I've already asked Tigerlily about this and her reading ended up confirming what I felt, that I should break up with him. But in a way I can't, mostly out of pity. How do you break up with someone that says that he doesn't have anyone else, that he loves you more than he ever loved anyone, etc. I've heard this too many times to fully believe in him but still I can't find the courage to do it. Everytime I talk to him, I can't do it. I avoid him as much as I can and when I don't, I just can't be straight with him.

I know I'm not doing the right thing, I should've ended this a long time ago (sometimes I think that I should've never even started this) but, like I've said, I lack the so called courage to do it...

[Ravenari]

In saying that you lack the courage, you have taken away your power before you've even started. Our attitudes determine our courage. A person saying 'I can't do it,' can't do it - because they give away their power, a person who says 'I can do it', even if they don't know - keep their power, and are very likely to be more capable of making decisions.

So for a start, work on your attitudes. You CAN do this, and it is important that you tell yourself that, otherwise you will always be in a habit of giving away your power, and choices will get made for you, and they won't always be the ones you want or are the healthiest to make.

You also have to realise that this isn't meant to be easy, even 'courageous' people find things like this hard. There's a saying 'feel the fear and do it anyway.' Essentially, that's what you need to take on board. There's nothing that I can really tell you to make this easier, but you need to do what is right - for both of you, and it isn't sitting on your hands saying 'I can't do it.'

Because that's an excuse, and it's not a reason. If you have the courage to ask for a reading, and if you know in your heart what is right, then you just have to bite down the fear, and do it.

It's pretty simple really.

Doing it won't be, but that's a part of life.

[Elem]

Very well said, Ravenari. I don't have much more to add (Me? Speechless for once? I know, shocking! )

If the relationship is dead, then don't drag it out. Doing so is only goin to make it worse when you finally do bite the bullet and tell him. Don't lead him into believing that the relationship is.. More than it actually is. Like I say, it'll only be harder that way.

The best course of action is to just straight-out tell him, to his face, exactly how you feel. Be completely open, and completely honest, about your feelings.. No excuses, no hiding anything, just tell him it all. At least then he'll understand your reasons entirely and no doubt can be left in his mind as to why it's happening.

Good luck, I know it's hard, but.. Sometimes it's for the best .

Elem

[Paperdoll]

Thanks for the supporting words, i really appreciate it. it's something that I have to set my mind into and then just do it. I think that your "little push" helped me a bit into setting my mind to do this. It'll be extremely hard but still, it can't be helped. Thanks once again.

[corrupted_beauty]

I know what you are going through. But, as hard as it is, you really need to break up with him. You may be afraid of hurting him, but staying with him will just hurt him more in the end. Think about it; what is worse? Breaking up with him and hurting him? Or staying in a relationship you dont want to be in and hurting yourself AND him? He will end up finding out somehow, and that will hurt him just as much, if not more, than if you just end it now. Goodluck.

[Irisis Cada-Merrell]

Also, dragging it out will probably affect other aspects of your life.

If you need to let off steam once it's done, you can always do it here.

[Butterfly1984]

Hi I hope you managed to get through this.
I am in a similar situation. I have tried to leave my boyfriend many times this year but he get so upset that I daren't incase he does something stupid, he really scares me sometimes.
We are getting on better at the moment. I'm moving out soon so we can have some space but not break up and we are going to see how it goes from here. I do love him, I just don't know how much at the moment. I am honest about my feelings though and he is too. We are hopeing we can work through this.
I think in your case though you ovbiously just don't want to be there anymore.

[WolfWitch]

It's simple. Just pack up and leave. Don't wait for him to be there, just go.

Yeah, it's gonna hurt, it usually does. But you will get over it. That first step is gonna be a rough one but once you start, it will all fall into simple routine. Just don't think about it until after it is done and you are gone. Then, when you are safely away from the situation and around friends (if you wish them to be there.) let yourself fall apart.

This sounds cruel but it is a nessesary part of life sometimes. When you get into a rough situation like this, you just have to cut the cords and distance yourself from it as far and fast as possible. Yeah, he'll hurt for a while and so will you, but the key to remember is that tomorrow will come with or without him. You will get up, take a deep breath and start your day just as you did the day before and the day after. It's rough the first day but it gets easier each day. The most important thing to remember is to control your emotions when you leave. Don't think about the hurt or the pain because you won't go through with it if you do. Be mechanical during the packing and the leaving. But be sure to address these emotions once you're in a safe area. As I stated above, I recommend a few friends and a nice private place. Once your there, feel free to take care of whatever emotions you have built up. Cry, scream, fall apart, whatever you need to do.

I wish you well and hope that Vervandi watches over you and that you find comfort when you need it most.

Blessed be sister.

WW.

[Elem]

Very well said, Wolfwitch, couldn't agree more *applauds*.

Elem

[WolfWitch]

Unfortunatly Elem, it's all spoken from experiance. Not with a lover but with so called friends and a house that damn near claimed both my sanity and my life. Of the five others that lived there I would only call three of them even close to friends and one is a man whos presence in my life I sorely miss and would do anything from this life to the next to have back.

In the end, I was strong enough to do it. I packed up and I baled. I moved back to a dorm and severed all ties with the house. I got clean and stayed clean. I miss the ones who where my friends but I know that had I not left, I would not have lived to see my future wife, and I met her a scant few months after I moved out.

Paper doll, I think it's time you let the wind settle beneath your feet and allow yourself to be carried away to the fates. Because whatever they have in store for you, it isn't here and it isn't with this guy.

Blessed be to all.

AP.

[Paperdoll]

Thank you all so much for the support, I haven't been here for a while (finally! vacation!) and now I have the much needed time to actually take care of this pending issue. Like WolfWitch said, it's a matter of "packing and leaving" and the mroe I think about it, the more I feel that the only thing I'll be feeling is guilt and I'll probably get over it soon. I've been stupid to let this be dragged for so long but now there is no turning back, despite the absence of lvoe, our lives are becoming too different as well. He has no other choice but to accept it and I think that if it weren't for some of the words of some people here (since I feel you're all older and wiser than me) I would never get the courage to think about getting the courage to do this. I'md etermined now and I hope it doesn't turn out dramatic... thanks everyone for the support .

Hi I hope you managed to get through this.
I am in a similar situation. I have tried to leave my boyfriend many times this year but he get so upset that I daren't incase he does something stupid, he really scares me sometimes.

That's how I feel, I never fear for myself, I always fear for him but I think that's over now, at least partially. Things are going my way (finally) and I think I'm finally more than ready to take this hard step. It's probably the hardest step I've had to take so far.

[WolfWitch]

PaperDoll: Blessed be the three and I pray that the Norn sisters watch over you. The best way to make it non dramatic is to make sure it is done in his absence and with his ignorance. Don't even let him know where you are going. Just part. Quick and clean. You are right, you will feel a sickly amount of guilt but Hagaan Das takes care of guilt quite nicely.

Butterfly1984: For the love of pan, if he's that way then leave and leave now! Let him know and suspect nothing. not a location, a contact, nothing. Get friends to help things go faster. Abandon all of your possesions if you have too. Just please, please, get away before it's too late. I like my friends here and I don't want to loose a single one of you, especially to violence.

Enlist some Manchester United fans to help you move, or some SAS or MI5 if you have no choice. Hell, call me. England isn't THAT expensive if it saves a friend and I have NO problems adjusting attitudes on guys with "hitting issues".

Please. If the two of you don't get things straight. Promise me you won't stay where it hurts you.

Blessed be all.

WW.

[Butterfly1984]

I am really sorry I didn't mean that I am scared he will hit me, i'm just scared he will hurt himself. I am in the process of sorting out my own place but we are still together at the moment.

Blessed Be

[The Dragon]

My current relationship is dead, at least for me, not for my boyfriend. I've already asked Tigerlily about this and her reading ended up confirming what I felt, that I should break up with him. But in a way I can't, mostly out of pity. How do you break up with someone that says that he doesn't have anyone else, that he loves you more than he ever loved anyone, etc. I've heard this too many times to fully believe in him but still I can't find the courage to do it. Everytime I talk to him, I can't do it. I avoid him as much as I can and when I don't, I just can't be straight with him.

I know I'm not doing the right thing, I should've ended this a long time ago (sometimes I think that I should've never even started this) but, like I've said, I lack the so called courage to do it...

I want you to listen to Shanices', "Yesterday" over and over again until you feel yourself strenghtening up to take your life and choices back. You are not only hurting yourself but him also by not being honest and forthright. I don't care how much he says he love you and I'm sure he does; You are hurting him much more by staying in this unhealthy relationship with him.

Learn a lesson from this (Because there is one! I promise you), tell him exactly how you feel and suggest you two be friends while you date others to discover what is really right for you both. You will feel better and he too after awhile.