CreativeMind's Thoughts!

[creativemind243]

I've been looking for a place where I can jot down all of my thoughts, and this seems like the perfect spot. So, I suppose I'll just go ahead and get started right away then!

I've grown up in a Christian household my entire life. My mother is a devoted Christian, and my father, well, some days he says he's a Christian and other's he denies the faith absolutely. As for myself, well, that's another story. When I was younger, I used to be a, well, I was sort of a hardcore Christian. Like, I was one of those people that would tell other's "Don't do that or you'll go to Hell!" and.. Yeah. But see, I rarely ever went to Church and I was never baptized or anything like that, but I did pray to the Christian God. Every night before I went to bed I used to pray, but I don't recall ever receiving any answers.

Of course, this all changed when I got into high school. I was getting older and slowly becoming more open-minded about things. Before that time, I detested anything that went against Christian beliefs (things like being LGBT, tattoo's, piercings, having a religion other than Christianity- those kinds of things) and I was quick to tell everyone that they were apparently wrong in God's eyes, and that they were going to go to Hell for doing those things. Of course, it was around that same time that a friend of mine introduced me to Wicca, and I found myself dumbfounded. Wicca? Witchcraft? Never before had I even considered the possibility of looking into a religion other than Christianity, but.. I was drawn to them.

So,I found myself on the internet one day and decided to go on Google and start my research on this new religion I'd been introduced to. I was astonished, to say the least. So, I researched and researched, got a couple of books, gathered some items to put onto an altar and that was that. But you see, the thing is, I've never actually done a ritual or anything of the sort, yet. You see, since I did grow up in a Christian household, and I do have terrible anxiety that makes me worry about every single thing, I haven't exactly gotten that.. That feeling, i guess is what you could call it, to do one. That is, until now.

So, here I am, getting ready to erect myself a permanent altar, and I'm going to hopefully be getting myself a tarot deck soon and just.. All of this feels right. Like, before, for some reason, I wasn't sure. It was like that wasn't the right time for me to actually get myself fully involved in Wicca, but now, I feel like I'm ready. It's taken me 4 years of research and gathering materials, but I finally feel like I'm ready to begin!

[creativemind243]

4-4-16

So, I'm almost finished with my Tarot journal! I've been going through all of my tarot cards one by one to start establishing a connection with my deck. And since before now I'd never seen an actual deck, I've been studying the meaning of each card by the book, and then I've also written down what I think the card may stand for (on some of them; not all of them). Once I completely get through the deck (I'm almost finished the Minor Arcana, and I'm hoping to get through the major arcana today), I feel that I will be ready to start doing readings! I can honestly say that I am very excited, and that I will do my best to keep you all informed!

Also, if you're wondering, the deck I am using is the Gilded Tarot by Ciro Marchetti!

[creativemind243]

4-9-2016

So.. Okay, wow. Where do I begin? My grandmother is staying with us for the weekend because we're currently in the process of tearing down her old trailer to move a new one in (her old one was at least 30+ years old; it had lots of black mold and was rotting.. Not a good place for her to be living). I have an essay due next week, my Algebra teacher hates me and.. Yeah. Lots of things have been going on lately.

But aside from all of that, I've re-booted my Tumblr page and have been looking at lots of Witchy blogs and posts, and while I know some of you may be against that, I've learned a lot about myself and my beliefs in the process. A couple things:

-I've realized that I connect more with Masculinity than Femininity; meaning that I connect more with Male Deities than Female Deities. The fact that I'm an Aries, a fire sign (fire represents Masculinity), could possibly have something to do with this.

-I've been starting to see owls again, everywhere. And I have no idea what this means; is a deity calling out to me, or am I just missing something? Perhaps I could do a tarot reading on this.

-I've finally understood that things do not have to be done in the traditional way of things, and that I should practice/do what feels right to me, even if other's may disagree with it.

So, yeah! I also want to do some work on my BOS today too, so that should be lot's of fun! c:

[SnowCat]

There's nothing wrong with looking at various witchy blogs, posts, or other information. The problem arises, when one believes everything they read on the Internet. Finding something that resonates with you can be a really good thing. Please just don't blindly follow someone. Exploration is good for the spirit. I like your idea of writing your own interpretations of the cards.

As for the owls, it sounds like someone is sending you a message. You might want to research who is associated with owls, and see what, out of that, resonates with you.

Snow

[creativemind243]

4-17-16

So, I finished my essay! I'm so glad that I finally managed to get it finished!

Also, thank you Snow for your advice! It's greatly appreciated!

So, for the past couple of days I've been really engrossed in things like Astral Projection, Lucid Dreaming,Chakra's, and now, it seems, Star seeds. Oh, I've also started a dream journal!

Now, before I even thought about getting into witchy things and magick and what not, I was very much into the idea of Lucid Dreaming and trance-like states, and even meditation! Of course, eventually, I just sort of stopped with all of those things but now, it seems, my spiritual path has brought right back into them! And of course, now, I understand these things better than I did when I was younger.

So, I've thought about making a section in my BOS specifically for the planes of existence, Astral Projection, and Lucid Dreaming. I'll update all of you very soon on how that goes! :3

[creativemind243]

6-23-2016

I believe I finally understand why I've been seeing owls literally everywhere for months, no, probably years. Let me start from the beginning.

I've been seeing owls everywhere for a very long time. Like, in stores, on Facebook, in youtube videos,- everywhere. And I've been struggling with finding a Goddess with whom I not only relate to, but who I feel.. Well, who I feel I radiate with. For a while, I've thought I didn't have a Goddess that I could radiate with, so I figured I would rely heavily on just the masculine aspect of the Divine.. Until now, you see.

She was here all along. Just waiting for me to make that connection- the owls, the dogs, the somewhat darker aspect of it all, though misunderstood by some, is something that is required to achieve that state of balance. I'm sure by now you all have a pretty clear idea about Who I am talking about. Hekate.

It just sort of popped into my brain that, hey, perhaps the reason why I'm seeing owls everywhere is because someone is calling out to me, and perhaps that someone, is the Goddess that I have been trying so hard to find. So, I Googled 'Hekate and Owl's' and I began reading. And.. Wow. I can see so many different aspects of myself in Her. It's honestly so.. Crazy. I'm just so glad that I finally, finally, made that connection. I'm so wonderfully happy.

[jessicaleigh1236]

Definitely following this forum. Im really happy you found your goddess to connect with!

[creativemind243]

7-1-2016

I recently got my first paycheck and to celebrate, I'm going out on my next day off (which is Sunday!) and going on a huuuuge shopping spree. Well, perhaps not 'huuuuuge' but I'm still excited nonetheless! I'm going to try to get either a new Tarot deck or perhaps I'll get an Oracle deck this time- who knows. But I've recently found out that there's a metaphysical shop in one of the malls that I'm going to be going to, so I'm hoping I'll be able to get some crystals and stuff there!

I'm actually quite excited, if I'm to be honest. I'll definitely do my best to keep everyone updated! And I'll also do my best to post some pictures of the crystals and things I get as well! cx

[creativemind243]

8-25-16

Well, it's certainly been a while since I've been on here and i do apologize for my absence, especially since i know so many of you have wanted a reading done and I have yet to be able to do any of them. So much has happened within the last few weeks though, it's crazy.

With my job, my social life, my relationship (i've met a wonderful guy whom I have been dating for over a month now), it's been hard to find the time to do well, much anything. And then with that I have the weight of going to college on my shoulders, so that's just something else to add to the stress of, well, my life. And no, I'm in no way complaining, especially since I know that there's others who have it way worse than I do, it's just that I never realized that once I graduated high school that life would become so hectic. I barely have to time to do anything anymore, and there's even days where I don't get to see my parents because they're working or already sound asleep when I get home.

And then once i do start college, that's just gonna be even less time i'll have to spend on my practice and my family. And yet, I only feel as though right now I'm just getting a simple taste of what lies ahead; as though i'm only just barely dipping my toe in the water to get a feeling of what's ahead.

[creativemind243]

9-25-2017

It's been over a year since I last updated or felt as though I needed to update. But with so many things that have happened, I think it's best to document my journey thus far.

Wicca, for me, comes and goes when it's needed and when it's not needed. No, i do not simply stop believing, but rather I stop practicing, stop studying; it's more like a pause then it is anything. And not that that is a bad thing; no, sometimes one must take a temporary break so that they do not feel overwhelmed. But now, it's back. But let me start from the beginning.

I am now a married woman living on her own with her husband; yes, the relationship I mentioned a year ago turned into something, well, beautiful. And most of my time was occupied by him; by getting to know him and spend time with him and just be with him. And i'm sure many of you understand that. And well, it took me a while to fully open up to him. It wasn't until after we got married that I opened up- and I mean really opened up- about my religious side. And lucky for me he's taken it well. I now have a shelf specifically dedicated to all of my witchy things (though there aren't many).

So, living at the place that we do, I have no internet. No, just my cellphone and occasionally I use his hotspot if I have homework I need to submit. Homework? Yes, homework. I am also in college, and I do still have a job. As if that wasn't enough, I also now have a beautiful red husky, Oakley we call her, and a cranky old woman- AKA a cat named Butler. I'm usually the one who makes sure they are fed, have water, and are given attention. Of course, that's not to say that he does not help- because he does.

Anywho, I can use the internet at the college I go to, at my work, at the library, at my parents house and even at Mcdonald's- yes, sometimes we must do our work there. So I do somewhat have access to the site and everything.

There's been a new pagan store open up close to where I live, and through it I am starting to meet more people. The shop owners are very nice, and a bunch of us are even starting up a group. Np, not a coven. More so, a place where we can all gather to learn new thing from one another. And though the thought of sharing this sort of thing with other people (specifically one's i am not so familiar with) does scare me, I am open to trying new things.

So, I do believe that has covered most, if not all of it. It explains my absence amongst other things, so there you have it. Thank you all for taking the time to read my thoughts and explanations; it does mean so much.

[creativemind243]

7-26-2018

I've had so much on mind as of late. I have been married for almost a year now, and still I'm just as in love with my husband as I was before. I left my job at Walmart back in January, and since then I have simply been a stay at home wife while my husband worked a full time job. I tried going back to college to get a degree in something, but I found that I had absolutely no motivation for that. I really couldn't say why, I suppose it's just not for me. Which is fine, college isn't meant to be for everyone, is it? I know lots of people that have amazing jobs without having went to college.

In this amount of time, I've thought a lot about having a child with my husband. Even though I'm only 20, I feel a sort of pull to have a kid with the man I love now. Which I'm guessing is normal, but I've never been particularly fond of kids until now. I'm not sure what the future holds there for me and my husband, but I hope that whatever it is, it's good.

I'm also going back to work soon at AT&T. They're a call center about 5 minutes away from my house and since I'm not the best driver in the world, I think that will be a good place for me. Not only that, but it's also good money and I'll get Direct TV for like 10$ a month (which I'm very excited for!)

As far as practicing goes, I haven't done much in terms of Magick and stuff lately. Things have been kind of busy lately, what with both me and husband trying to find good jobs, and well, family drama. As usual. But anyways, I'm hoping to get back started in my practice again soon once things go back to normal. However; yesterday, my husband and I watched one of those click-bait videos on YouTube last night "Watching This Will Change Your Life" or something similar to that was what it was called. It was about 30 minutes long, and was a documentary about the Sumerian Gods (Enki and Enlil more specifically). And now I seem to have an interest in them. I'm not sure where that will take me either, or if it will even take me anywhere, but I'm excited to see.

[creativemind243]

1-29-2019

Hey guys! It's been a while since I last posted here and I just wanted to give you all a small update on my life. There's not too many things different here, though. Still married and in love with my amazing husband. Currently jobless but I am hoping that that will change soon. I decided that college wasn't right for me and I think I have finally realized what my dream in life is and that is to be a housewife/stay at home mom. Never thought I'd see the day when that was I wanted to do most in life but when people ask me what I wanna be in life that's always the first thing that my mind goes to. f course, my parents don't agree with it. They want me to go to college but I have tried on numerous occasions and honestly I just don't like it.

My husband and I are going to try to move away from this small town that we are in hopefully, at most, in a couple years. 'm honestly ready. Anymore it just seems like my family is so draining, with my dad constantly calling me and mom giving me lectures on what I should do with my life and how moving away from them is the wrong decision. The place we want to go is about an hour and a half away from here, which might not seem far to you guys but to my parents it's far. But it's almost perfect because it's directly in the middle of where his family is and where mine is so we wont have to drive 2 and a half hours just to see his family. And I can completely understand that he wants to be closer to them.

I'll be 21 in less then a couple months and I am pretty excited about it. I'll finally be the legal age to drink so that's pretty exciting. I'm kind of ready for it too, if I'm honest. Even though I know things will pretty much be the same as they are now but I like to think that I will be treated as an actual adult instead of a child still. And that's honestly what I feel like; a child that has to depend on their family because here lately I have had to rely on them to help me buy groceries. And that is honestly so annoying. But hopefully I can get a job soon.

My hope is that when we do move we will finally be financially stable enough and in a bigger house to be able to talk about having a child again. Some days all I can think about is how badly I want to be a mother and that's something I honestly never thought that I would want. But since I met my husband it's that I have continuously wanted.

I have been practicing my craft a lot lately. I have a big permanent altar in mine and my husbands bedroom with all sorts of little things on it. My favorite thing is crystals though, along with my tarot cards. Tarot is the thing I use the most, though. And over time I have found that my abilities are continuing to get better and better, so that is exciting. I'd like to eventually be able to start hopefully working with the fae as well as with other various mythical creatures and deities.

[creativemind243]

10-20-19

So, a lot has changed since January. Seriously so much. we recently had to move out of our home due to black mold. We stayed with my parents for a bit, but my in laws have a much bigger home (and by that I mean they have a whole second floor that they dont even use) so we have moved a majority of our things there. My parents offered to help us buy a home, and we actually went and looked at one a few days ago. The place needed a ton of work but it was big and cheap so of course me and my husband were really considering it. But then that night my father called me and I, stupidly, just figured he was going to discuss the things about the home with me (like the prices, what needed to be fixed, etc) but instead I got lectures so that was ultimately the end of that.

Now, living with his parents isn't so bad. My only problem is that my anxiety is so high that it's hard for me to cook or do my laundry here for fear of doing something wrong and making them upset. So my husband has been taking me back and forth from my parents to his and I know it's taking a toll on him. So, my current stress level is at an all time high.

I haven't been practicing or reading tarot for a while now. Since I had a pregnancy scare and was very convinced by both my symptoms and the tarot cards that I was pregnant, but turned out not to be, it kind of turned me away from it from the time being.

The good things, though, is that I have finally found a job that I really like. And I have decided to go back to school in January to pursue my teaching degree.

I do have hope though that things will start looking up soon and that, like most things, this is just a phase of my life that I am meant to go through in order to grow as a person and that will bring me closer to where I am truly meant to be. So I will remain optimistic and update when I can.

[barker]

Anxiety has a will to be human... people with it, begin to run into strife... essentially, everybody else knows who has won... a next step must be taken... into purpose. Story of my life...

Great quote at the bottom, by the way... barker

[creativemind243]

6-7-20

Hello my friends! So much has happened since October, or the last day I posted, so I would like to fill you all in! I am still living my in-laws, but as of right now, there are plans set in motion for my husband and I to get a tiny house! It will be put in an are surrounded by the woods and walking paths; so peaceful and beautiful!

I am also going to college now to become an RN! This is my first semester back, and I am so blessed that throughout all of the craziness, I was able to pay for my classes out of pocket! The classes I am in now are just the pre-reqs I need to be able to get into the nursing program, but they are still just as important as ever! I am still struggling with jobs; I quit the job I had in retail back in March due to one of the managers being misogynistic and all around rude. I had all I could take so I walked out, but since then I have struggled finding another job. But I know I will get back in track in time!

I don't really think there is much else to talk about besides just the normal. Well, other then that the world is currently a crazy place to be in right now! With Covid-19 and now all of the riots,it's about the only things that I have been seeing on my social media! To say that I do wish things could go back to how they were before the outbreak is an understatement! But I know that things will never be like they were, and that this is just a way of the world growing and learning.

Also, in reply to Barker! Hi! Thank you for the reply on my post, I am sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you!