Husband and being wiccan

[Xiao Rong]

I think there are a couple of different things going on here. There's 1) the fact that he won't respect your decision to be Pagan, and 2) the fact that he doesn't want to be Pagan himself.

1) As many people have said before, it's inexcusable for him to belittle your spirituality. That's a matter of basic respect in a relationship. I'm glad that he's come around to not at least overtly disrespecting you by bashing Paganism.

2) On the other hand, I can see why he'd be uncomfortable joining a Maypole dance and a ritual. That's a pretty big leap from "no spirituality" to "full participant in a Beltane rite". I've known a lot of atheists who raise similar concerns ("What's the point? What is the outcome?"). But if nothing else, a ritual should be FUN (and Beltane rituals more than any other time of year!). But if he were interested in learning about Paganism, maybe something smaller might ease him into things.

I think both boil down to the fact that he seems to really want you and he both to have the same spirituality (or lack thereof). He wanted you to be atheist with him, and since that's not an option anymore, he sees the only option as becoming Pagan with you, which is also causing difficulties. Clearly this is coming from an even deeper insecurity that perhaps if you have different interests than him, then he'll lose you (which obviously doesn't have to be true -- plenty of couples have separate interests and hobbies and still love each other). Is there any way that he could be comfortable with separate faiths/beliefs and still have a relationship? Mixed-faith couples are not uncommon, and that might be a good middle ground. Different couples have different ways of dealing with it. Some people won't come to a Pagan event with their partner, or aren't too interested in discussing their spirituality, but are happy to let their partner practice in peace. Others might not be interested in being fully Pagan, but are fine with talking about it or even participating in their rituals. But there's no reason why the two of you HAVE to be in sync spiritually.

[ChildoftheWolf16]

He's still being mean about it. Last night we talked about it more. Because he saw the book I rented from my local library. He was like, "Really? A spellbook?" With a disgusted look on his face. I said that's the one I wanted to read. And he said, "You know that stuff doesn't work right? Help me understand it." And I told him from a scientific standpoint, of how I look at it (I have a degree in physics.) And he just kept going on and on and on about how it's not going to work. That it's just like praying and it will have no outcome. I don't believe in praying, as I still don't believe in any God/esses. I just do it for the magick bit. Because I believe everything has energy and you can manipulate it. So I tried explaining to him again. But he just wouldn't stand for it, and basically made me feel REALLY stupid. THen got upset when he asked what kind of spells I'd be casting. ANd I told him I didn't know yet, that I was just reading it for now, and gave examples of them, I said, "Well, there's healing and protective spells I've seen so far." ANd he flipped out saying that HE should make me feel protected and if I ever casted a protective spell he'd feel hurt. I said well that's what you're doing to me right now by making me feel stupid and that must be how my mom feels when she talks to my stepdad about God. (SHe's christian and he's atheist). I told him that he told me he'd support me and that this wasn't being very supportive.
I just don't understand how you can say you'll be supportive no matter what, then go and make me feel stupid and tell me that he'd feel hurt if I ever casted a spell that I wanted protection with, yet he said it wouldn't work.... I don't know what's going on in his head. But he's pretty much being an ass about it.

[ChildoftheWolf16]

And no. To the previous posters asking if I'm expecting him to turn Pagan. No I'm not. I didn't tell him he HAD to do anything. He is the one saying he doesn't want me to change because he "doesn't want to lose me to someone who believes the same." I told him he had nothing to worry about unless he kept degrading me. Because it's very hurtful. And I wouldn't leave him for anyone, regardless. He also didn't participate in the Beltane ritual or MAypole dance even though he said he'd at least be in the Maypole. We ended up leaving early because he kept complaining about them starting late. I was in the middle of the ritual when we left, didn't even get to do the maypole dance. He was very distracting. I could feel the vibes of him. He didn't want to be there at all. and was very unhappy. I knew the others there could tell too, and it was very embarrassing. I'm just going to stick to solitary practice.

[Thistle]

I'm sorry he wasn't being very supportive. I prefer solitary. While my bf is accepting, (he even buys me books, and got me my tarot deck) I tend to only practice when he's at work. I don't work right now, so I have plenty of time. He's agnostic, and I know he thinks a lot of the stuff is just plain silly, so I think it's better to just have my energy around when doing any sort of ritual or spell.

It can be tough when two in a relationship have different beliefs, but it is possible to work. Hopefully things get better, and he realizes it's better to just let you do your thing without commentary. No need to have any part of it.

[lavenderweave]

I'm sorry he's not being as supportive as he said he was going to. Maybe try staying neutral about the topic for a few so feelings die down so you can both approach this without either side feeling attacked.