Confused About My Chosen Path

[Thirteen]

I'm someone that identifies as an Animism Naturalist Soft Polytheist Atheist Pagan. I'm not Wiccan. I'm a Pagan. I'm not religious, but spiritual. I don't believe in Summerland. Rather, the belief that our spirits rejoin our loved ones for eternal peace. I see the deities as teachers, learning from the creation of their myths for guidance. I believe they are representations of nature, not actual supernatural beings. I strive to learn balance, that's my passion.

I'm trying to begin my spiritual practice towards this road and I'm finding myself unable to truly connect. I try speaking chants or blessings, but I feel absolutely nothing. I'm someone that needs structure and step-by-step instructions. It correlates with my personality type, ISTJ. I want to understand this spirituality, but I just can't seem to develop a connection. I respect the planet, I'm grateful for the elements, forces of nature and animals. I just don't believe in supernatural powers. I never have.

I do believe, because science has proven these real, in the healing properties of herbs/plants/crystals/mediation and energies. I want to follow the logical thought, but also have a spiritual understanding as well. I don't believe the Gods and Goddesses are truly alive, but I believe they're representations of the wonders this planet has to offer us humans. When I speak of Persephone, Demeter, Nyx, Selene, Hades and Osiris...I'm actually referring to the the forces of nature. Just as the Greeks used the deities to explain the unknown, that's what I also believe and trust.

Also, I can't say for certain that the deities aren't real....but, if they are, I'd like to honor them and what they've taught through their mythologies. I suppose this is confusing to anyone reading and it surely is to me as well.

[*tylluan]

Science is discovering more and more that our world does contain other dimensions and that the paranormal spirit world could well exist. Quantum Mechanics and Chaos theory are starting to make scientists question what we know is real.
However if you can't connect doing the things you are doing then you need to find other ways. Have you ever felt connected in the past? and if so what made that connection real. I also don't believe in gods and goddesses as real spirits however I do feel that when we are drawn to one, whether subconsciously or not, its because it has something to to tell us about the journey we are on.

I hope this makes sense, it did in my head

[Lillady]

I'm someone that identifies as an Animism Naturalist Soft Polytheist Atheist Pagan. I'm not Wiccan. I'm a Pagan.

I am familar with all of these but am confused as to you calling yourself and Atheist Pagan then later state in your post you believe in Deities, or of their representations rather. Anyhow as far as being confused dear it is easy to do. It is up to you which path you want to follow. When it comes to religion or spirituality you have three choices, follow, don't follow, or find the path that you feel comfortable with. Being spiritual as we are it can be confusing, their is a lot of information out there to take in. Take one step at a time, ask for guidance from the universe, meditate, breathe in the positive and exhale the negative. The universe works in mysterious ways and you will be given signs to help steer you. Listen and focus and in time you will not be so confused. Blessed Be.

[Siona]

I'm someone that identifies as an Animism Naturalist Soft Polytheist Atheist Pagan.

So I'm a little confused by this part as well, because I'm not sure how you're using the term soft polytheist? A soft polytheist is generally defined as someone who believes that all gods and goddesses are just facets of a single deity - which doesn't really mesh with atheism, the belief in no deity. Actually, what you are describing sounds something more like pantheism, or naturalistic pantheism perhaps?

If you need step by step instructions, have you maybe thought about taking a class or something like that? I know it's not an option for everyone, but if you can find something like that it might help you build a stronger foundation to work from.

[Myrth]

I too am confused by meshing soft-polytheist and atheist.

I pick and choose my way through, finding my own path rather than following another's. It sounds like you tend to do that too.

Namaste.