Everything Under the Moon

OK.
So where to start....
I grew up in a Lutheran christian home. I was taught the "truth" of the bible. I studied the bible in and out and upside down.
I was taught anyone who is not a Christian is lost, and if you know about Christianity, and choose another path then you are evil. I also have a lot of people I know and love, who practice the Christian faith. My husband is one of them, and these people are important to me. My little sister, my mom, etc.
BUT, for me Christianity feels like I'm making myself a hypocrite, and I hate that. Jesus said "be either hot or cold for me. For if you are lukewarm like water in my mouth, I will spit you out." When I remember that part of the bible, I get scared,
because I'm lukewarm for Christianity. and I feel and though my "faith" (if you can even call it that)... is more a "this is what I was taught my whole life" and " I don't want to go to hell," or honestly, my biggest fear keeping me on the edge of finally walking my own path is that, "what if all my important people leave me and I'm alone?"

Ever since I was young I felt called to the earth, to witchcraft and the like. It fascinated me, and made me feel awe and wonder. I was thirsty for knowledge, and then my parents found out. I was so scared of what they might do to me if the found books etc again.... I ran the other direction,and went back to being the "good little church girl."
I guess I'm just looking for advice. Maybe if you have been in a similar situation, where you don't know how to move forward due to fear. I'm afraid if I embrace me, what feel true to my heart, that I will lose everyone I love. I know that it could happen, at least with some people.
Also my husband, I just love him so much. *stress* I want to say that he would love me anyway. I know he will always love me, but you are taught in the church that you may not be married to an unbeliever.

Any words of wisdom?? Thanks!

My mum and dad are Christian- my dad was brought up as a Jehovah's Witness so he has a lot of views on the bible ect. They didn't disown me when they found out I was studying Wicca and the sort, because they love me unconditionally! Personally I don't believe in hell as that's a Christian concept. I think you should follow your heart and do what is right for YOU. Ease your family and husband into the idea slowly. They don't need to know right away. I am sure they will give you the 'witches are evil' ect talk but you can't do much about that but I guess all you can do is be respectful of their views but explain ut's not what you believe in. I'm not sure if i've been of much help lol but I guess what i'm trying to say is i'm sure your family and husband will love you no matter what.

I've been talking to my husband about it since I posted this.
(online, he's at work).
And he said that there is nothing wrong with me exploring what I believe and feels right to me. So that's a big lift off my shoulders.

That's a great start

Hello, shirishdoc.
Please go to the top section of the forum and introduce yourself. Thank you!

Keep in mind the bible is the 'interpretation' of the words of Jesus. This document isn't like listening to the words from his mouth, it's reading an edit of an an edit of an edit of an interpretation. The true Christ-consciousness is kind, forgiving, and helpful for those who feel lost. I personally could interpret the passage that upsets you so as referring to those who are hypocrites....those that say they believe and agree with the teachings, but don't actually practice what they preach. Christ-consciousness is compassion, kindness and caring. Focus on that.

Your husband is awesome.