Everything Under the Moon

I find myself with greater frequency wanting to "belong" to a specific group, even a defined word, like "Wiccan," but I don't feel completely aligned with any spiritual path, including Wicca. I don't know how I can commit completely to a singular path while believing completely, as I do, that many other religions are equally legitimate.

I want to be able to use words about my spirituality in order to communicate my spiritual identity to others. I don't feel that I am simply a theosophist, because my beliefs are much more centered around Wicca than others. I wish to actively practice religion, not hold a philosophy in hand for the occasion that someone asks about my beliefs.

As I grow older, I would like to become "settled" in something. I don't know if this is part of the brain's natural development, or if it is just me. I understand that it is part of the human condition that we may never know for sure that what we are believing is true, even for ourselves. I embrace the Platonic idea of the shadows on the wall.

What I desire reminds me of how some people believe they should settle down and get married, perhaps have children soon, so they start looking around for a partner more actively. And perhaps they're not 100% "sure" but the need to move on to the next stage of their life is strong enough to outweigh the doubt and possible incompatibility of the choice.

On an idealistic level, I am deeply in love with the Wiccan religion. In the books I read, and in my mind, it's sublime. However, in real life, when I try to practice a ritual, it is awkward, and I feel fake and pretentious, and very alone.

Have you experienced this, when beginning to practice? And does the feeling go away? Does the commitment grow with time?

Personally I don't have a religious or spiritual label. That is my choice. When asked I say I am "Non-denominational spiritual Idealist". Most people look at me awkwardly and forget they asked the question... I like to think it's because it's to intelligent an answer for stupid questions lol.

You don't need to belong to anything specific just as long as what you believe or practice is important to YOU. Why put a label on it? Why try to fit in when you're born to stand out? Why should it matter as long as it matters to you?

Have faith in your own path and forget the labels, forget the questions... just BE.

*Edit:... To add: If you aren't certain about what to call your beliefs and they are a combo then Eclectic is a good label

Your story sounds very similar to mine. There was a time when I used to look over my shoulder, in the middle of the night in my own backyard, wondering who might be watching, am I doing this right?, and what will these peering eyes think?
I had no rhyme nor reason to what I did, no particular path, I use the word Wicca but still have deep seated reservations with it as well as strong convictions about its true meaning, how's that for a conundrum?
After time, a group became known to me and I began to study with them, though I didn't agree with all the particulars. But that was ok, and as time passed and people passed, things got more flexable, and I can say I'm glad I stuck with it. The group is a 501c3 and legally incorporated, and that was important to me. The founders worked hard to establish a pagan Celtic church. There were a few other groups around but they never stayed together very long. Something about a little bit of structure that make things work I believe. Even though we would like to be all free flowing airy fairies, those kinds of groups evaporate just like the Fae.
So....something to consider when you go looking
This season of Samhain, I'm proud to say, one of my High Priestesses will be hiving off and forming her own group. That will make her the 3 generation from this group. I'm second, I hived from the group that founded this tradition. We seek to understand our Celtic Shaman forefathers, and mothers and there is room for honoring the land you dwell on.
A group should feel safe and home like, they may have ideas how the circle should be run, and that's ok for the sake of continuity, but if they try to dominate who you would contact or commune with when in your own space on your own time, then I woul hit the road.
There is a good guideline by Issac Bonewits that describes the dangers of cults. It is well worth reading.
There are great benifits in working with a group... and there are a few drawbacks. The good totally outweighs the bad in my experience.
I still enjoy solo work too. My commitment is to the Goddess in her many forms, however she may present herself to me. Hope this helps some how
blessings, Firebird

I know how it feels to want a better definition for your path, but I've yet to find one myself. I'm eclectic pagan, and haven't found any better explenation for people when they ask.