Curse

[Joachim]

How real is a curse? My Brother said when I was very Young that if I wanted the gift of time travel he would take away a letter of my vocabulary, I wanted to time travel, it sounded fun, and now I have time traveled(REALLY) and I find that my life grants me everything, but all my blessings seemed hexes, and my Whole internal reality is explained completely, everything about me, is balanced perfectly, as if this curse is true...

I hope that some kind witch can help me, I try not to think to much in terms of victim hoood, but all the People in my life live as if this is something that is real in my relation to them, I never thought a curse could last this long, and I hope that someone can... help me, show me that Im free, yet I should point out that all about me, everything that I give others is love, and as a witch, I know that nature listens and she show me through here nature(animals, weather, etc) that Im good, and appreciated, but now, I cant bless, even when I shed my heart, for the benefit of my fellow man and womens Graces, they bring always, pain, and its always been like this since the curse.

Sorry If I sound crazy, it is just that this is my best attemt to explain my sane response in a crazy situation.

Okay, thanks for Reading, and have a Nice day.

[AdastraJunction]

I'm having a little trouble understanding this situation and what you mean by "time travel", loosing "vocabulary" and this thing you call a curse. Could you explain a little more in depth? Be more specific on how and what you believe caused what you believe is a curse? It may help others to assist you if you explained it more completely.

[Joachim]

Sure, Ill be totally honest then...

Time travel was something I believed to be impossible, but my role model, my older Brother always bragged about himself, and said that time travel was real and if I gave up the letter "S" he would show me. Now I realize how this sounds, so Ill explain, what happened one time when I wanted to be elsewhere(years later), I felt my consciousness move backwards in my mind and I found myself between the past and the future, I have some of that still, some vision of the future. Anyway, time travel isnt important, it was just what my childish fantasy was. So anyway, I was diagnosed With paranoid shizophrenia, my life still work, I function, but in my inner world, all that I Express outwards, is as if, it form itself into something without the letter "S". Which doesnt bother me, but what bothers me is that in my menta illness Iv found myself and want to share it, and I cant, because, well, I cant be totally honest With nature(mother earth)without here saying that eveything has a meaning and a Place, so I try to be the best me I can be(within my limitations), and that means having Peace over my past. So, since I believe that intention matter and that there is something magical about life and ourselves. I then believe that everything is holy, yet, my mind is very much pro autentic living, and wants me to be the best me I can be, yet, when I found the faith of the Wiccans, and withcraft, I felt that it was the best blessing Iv ever have come across, and it suits all my needs. So Im Grateful and feel I can be myself, which is great, but I can no longer share With my Family because as Norwegians, they have a way of looking at things that isnt inclusive and that is the exact opposite of what I feel mother Earth wants for me, and I share that.

Anyway, I felt that With all the People I meet I share eveything, and strange as it sounds it Works great, yet I cant use
my intention towards mutual gain when I feel that I live in a world where I cant share as long as I am bound to a past.
which in a nutshell is what paranoid shizophrenia is to me. So since my shizophrenia always tells me that everyone is many and vast and are pretty much infinite in there potential I should always seek to make friendsl, but I cant share my good will and my abundance With others without actually forsaking my Family and there ways...



I hope that Clears Things up a bit.

Again, Ill just point out that none of this bothers me, other then that my blessings(intention) seem like curses and I cant love life in the way im supposed to when I cant love People without justifying where I came from-

All thats left to say is that mother Earth shares everything and I always want to be more like here and share eveything I have to, and then I cant go around carrying my families limitations.... Hm... I think I answered my own question

In a Christian household which I grew up in they tell one to hold ones parents in high esteem, and now that Im no longer am a Christian my Whole world view collapses, and eveything (like this curse) comes up so I can release it.


anyway Thanks for Reading and have a good night/day wherever you are in the worlds.

[SnowCat]

I've noticed that you are still able to use the letter stating in your posts. Is it missing from another aspect of your life? I've worked with a few people over the years, who had a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia, but I really don't understand much about the condition. Can you explain it a bit, so that we have a better understanding of what you're explaining in your posts?

Snow

[Joachim]

Sure, to me I feel that the shizophrenics are tomorrows artists, Iv met many beatiful souls in similare situations like myself, and I see that the artitsts of Our world share a world where the warmth of the soul is shared With everyone With an open heart and without those unpleasant mental barriers....
I know well that this curse does not define me, but to me atleast it always seem that when I share of my heart it opens up my world for the next Level...
Nothing New, but for instance I talked to my psychiatrist yesterday and he told me I was so happy that he wanted to institutionalize me, because he thought that I was "euphoric" which I told him is natual for me, I like to think that I can be a part of the solution.
So I dedicate my life to share my heart, it is just important to me that the world feels that I share a heart dedicated to the Health and wellbeing of all, without being defined by all the times when when the Natural wisdom of the heart doesnt stop life from blossoming

what I try to say is that life is good, and even if I come across People that have a different view(like my Family) without feeling that I have to forsake my ideals for a loving embodied soul.

Thanks Snowcat.

Ill like to point out, us paranoid shizophrenics live in a world where the mental worlds of the collective consciousness isnt as distant as it would seem from the collective view of what it means to be a human on Earth.

I hope you understand.

Thanks for reading