Feeling like a fake and just down in the dumps.

[julietaw]

I've been studying wicca for a little over three years now, I've only read one book on the subject. I was around thirteen when I discovered wicca and I immediately knew it was the right path for me. But recently my mother and my boyfriend have both told me that they don't want me on this path, which led to both interrogating me at separate times. I told my boyfriend more than I told my mom mainly because I know her opinions. She has told me before that she believes that people who worship ancient deities are stupid because no one from their own culture worships them anymore. So I did not tell my mom that I work with Loki, I have never done a spell or ritual due to her wishes. The fact that I keep this part of me hidden has been making me feel like crap no one is supportive of my path. My boyfriend believes that wicca is evil and so is Loki (I'm aware that this is a somewhat popular opinion). I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I feel like a fake due to not sharing this side of me, or for doing more pagan related things.

[Jack]

While your mom is, well, your mom, I'd encourage you to at least think about whether your boyfriend is also dismissive of your interests in other areas. You're not stuck with him, after all. But there's no shame in choosing not to have an argument with your mom (especially if, as you say, you know how it will go) and you're not a fake just because you don't share with your family.

Have you considered doing more research in places your mom can't see? I think ebooks are great for this. While research is not the be-all and end-all, it's a great way to keep your magical interests moving while you wait for a more open environment.

[Siona]

She has told me before that she believes that people who worship ancient deities are stupid because no one from their own culture worships them anymore.

Well, she's actually not correct when she says that. For example, there are Greek people, living in Greece, who have set up Greek recconstructionism groups and the like, and they're certainly not the only ones to have done that sort of thing. Sure, they may not be in the majority, but they do exist.

That said, I agree that you're not a fake just because you don't share your spirituality with those around you, there are lots of people who are unable to do so for various reasons, but their faith is real. I would give some thought to how your boyfriend is acting, though, as it's pretty disrespectful... if he's insulting something that is important to you, and making you feel like crap, it might be time to have a serious talk with him.

It's hard when you're living at home, and those around you don't support you, but keep in mind that it won't always be that way, or at least it doesn't have to be. You might not ever be able to share this with your mom, although sometimes people do accept it given time, but that doesn't have to stop you from believing in what makes sense to you, and finding others who support you in the things that matter to you.

[Sakura Blossom]

I can honestly say, I understand having a parent who doesn't agree with it. Well, my dad doesn't necessarily not agree, he doesn't really have any religious beliefs I think. However, he laughs and makes fun of me for working with Loki. He thought it was because I like the Marvel movies, and I have to explain it's because Loki came to me and he's not even the same as the movies. It's just a huge mess that I don't even want to bother explaining. It took me awhile to realize, that I won't ever get him to understand, and that's okay, as long as I'm happy. (: I totally understand where you are coming from. I got really low at one point, wondering if I should even be on this and I did feel like a fake.

I've honestly not read many books, save for one out of the 5+ years I've been on this path (which has honestly changed directions in this course of time as well), and I thought that because of this, I was a failure as a witch. I took a break for about two years because of this, and also due to another negative situation in my life, until I finally came back. I did a lot of soul searching, and I realized that I didn't need to listen to others about why they thought my path was wrong. At the same time too, I realized that reading isn't important for everyone. I was able to meet a few people who showed me that Wicca, Paganism, Witchcraft, all of these things are specific to the person. Not one person is going to have the same path, and I realized that it was okay if I didn't do some things the same way as everyone else.

I also never did pagan related things either. (: And to be honest, I still don't do it on a daily basis but I've worked it out with Loki and the other deities I work with, so that they understand that I might not. I do other things, to show them that I appreciate their help and to stay close to my path. Everyone does things differently, and if you can't do things like the huge rituals you read about, that's okay. You don't have to go all out. (: If you can't do it right now, because of your family, then that's understandable too. There are many different ways to incorporate your path, and working with Loki myself, I know he happens to LOVE when you make things in his name. So you could easily just bake something, cook something, draw something, etc. in his honor and that is a way to show your support of them.

It's okay to feel off the path, it happens to pretty much everyone I've talked to. (: This is how we grow, by feeling lost and confused. It allows us to take a step back and see the full picture, to find the right direction to go to. Your mother and your boyfriend might never agree or understand, this is okay. Not everyone will, but as long as you are happy and you do what you want for yourself, then all will fall into place. (:

[julietaw]

My mom came home from the store today and handed me a ToysRus bag, when I looked inside of it there was a fortune teller kit by the company wishcraft. It has a full set of tarot cards, a mat, a pendulum, and a pendulum board. I'm very suprised

[TwilightDancer]

My mom came home from the store today and handed me a ToysRus bag, when I looked inside of it there was a fortune teller kit by the company wishcraft. It has a full set of tarot cards, a mat, a pendulum, and a pendulum board. I'm very suprised

That's great, small steps are steps nonetheless! It could be her way of meeting you halfway. Being around a pagan is really hard for some people. They can't let go of "everything but my religion is evil" and its not their fault-It's the way abrahamic religions are.
I'm happy you two are making progress, take it slow she will come around.


Blessed Be

[LiebeUndLicht]

I don't think you are a fake, and I think religion is a very personal aspect of your life... that's what my mum told me. I think your boyfriend is being rather inconsiderate, have you tried educating him on the topic? Oh, and you said you feel like no one is supportive towards your path? You have all of us here at Everything Under the Moon! I know it's not the same as having 'real life' people to talk to, but it's something. Don't put yourself down about this, because it's obvious that you care about these people in your life otherwise you wouldn't be here talking (well writing) about your issue. So, my answer (although it wasn't really a question lol) is seriously, try explaining what you believe, mention the Wiccan Rede and the Threefold Law, if they ask questions or come to you, answer truthfully. I believe in you. If your boyfriend still doesn't support you, then - this seems harsh - but maybe you should let him go. But like I said, I believe in you to make the right choices - and anyway, you don't need to talk about religion 24/7 hope this helped:)