Urgently requesting help: Marriage issues

[skyler1486]

Please let me first say I feel for you, and I appreciate it is a difficult situation to find yourself in. I am not taking anybody's side or approve of her behaviour, not because I disapprove of it but because she's not mine to approve or disapprove of. As much as I sympathise with you and your not willing to accept what others her have to say to you, let me lay it out straight to you.

She is not on the wrong path; you perceive her path as incorrect. She is not "not herself"; you have a different idea of her, which you want her to conform to. She had not strayed; you want to keep her on a tight leash. It is not "reason and goodness" you want her to listen to; it's your ideas of them. Her heart is not for you to judge "cruel" or her exterior "cold and twisted". She doesn't need your help with her healing or to make her "susceptible" to her love for you - there no need for euphemisms - if the love's gone, it's gone, if it's there then it doesn't need your help or a spell to make her susceptible to it. This woman and you were not "literally made for each other"; she doesn't belong to you (or anyone else for that matter) while you want to control her. (It's more likely she was made to teach you some lessons, such as not relying on others for your happiness.) She didn't succumb to demons or temptation; she just chose a different path from what you had in mind for her and your unacceptance of it doesn't make it incorrect. She doesn't need clarity, you do, because you don't accept it's not up to you to decide what she needs. The only person who you can train to make you happy and control is yourself, and until you know that, it's you who needs clarity. You became dependent on her for your happiness and life satisfaction and here's your lesson; it's not her demons you need to worry about, it's yours.

Take a long hard look at yourself because that's the only person you can change and influence without meddling. She has free will and she makes her choices, and you must let her, but you are seeking help with manipulating her free will and taking control of her.

"Go home and cry" is not "the only thing" you can do; it's the only thing you choose to do. This forum's not the only place you have to turn to, and it is really worrying that people turn to magick so they can influence others or their paths.

I don't know you and I'm not here to judge you buy I can tell you that if it was my husband putting this or similar on such forums, I'd run as far from him as I could, and with protection spells for myself too. It's the most manipulative thing imaginable your trying to achieve here and I pity you and the person who helps you to do it if you ever find such a one.

Love and healing to you.

I'm sorry that you feel this way.

[Firebird]

Albeit a very blunt response, Autumn O has presented some very good points.
I understand it is a hard thing to accept, perhaps you have heard the phrase, "if you love someone very much...let them go. If they return, treasure them as precious....or something similar. The idea is in the letting go....this releases control. It is up to God and that person.

"Go home and cry" is not "the only thing" you can do; it's the only thing you choose to do. This forum's not the only place you have to turn to, and it is really worrying that people turn to magick so they can influence others or their paths.

and this is what everyone has been trying to tell you ever so gently...Autumn O minced no words.
Haven't you ever lost something? And in the giving up, or letting go you find that it reappears? Same concept.
Bb, Firebird

[Kassandra]

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Al-Anon Support

It's sad, but this forum is the only thing I have to lean on right now. I don't have friends or family in my area to confide in. The only thing I do is work and go home and cry.

Hi skyler1486. You don't have to go through this alone. There are many people like you (and me) who have been adversely affected by a loved one's drinking. If you are located in the U.S. or Canada, please give this organization a call: http://www.al-anon.org/ It is a support group for the family and friends of alcoholics. They will direct you to their nearest meeting, and there you'll find people going through the same thing you are going through.

There is no fee, no agreements you have to sign, nothing. Just show up, talk if you want to, listen...or sit there and cry your eyeballs out the whole time. That's fine. They will listen to you, empathize with you, and most of all, support you. The important thing is not being alone during this difficult time. From what you've described, right now you are quite isolated, and that's not good.

Will you give them a call?



A Prayer for Serenity

In the meantime, the following is an intention statement (or "prayer") to repeat to yourself when you feel upset, and need to bring yourself back to a place of clarity and peace. It is a pagan take on what's known as The Serenity Prayer, which originally was written with a focus on the Christian God. But since we're a majority pagan community here, I submit to you the pagan version. Generally-speaking, pagans like to work in concert with the elements that compose our existence, so the pagan Serenity Prayer reflects this tendency.

A walk out in nature as you recite this, such as in a local park, might be especially strengthening and refreshing to your spirit. Connect with nature as you walk: run your hand in some water from a stream or pond, pause and feel the breeze as it touches your face, reach down and feel the soil in your hands, take some rocks home with you, and place them in a window ledge as a reminder that nature is always there for you. At home, light a candle to feel the heat and power of fire, imagining it burning away your grief and sadness, and at the same time bolstering your inner strength and mental clarity. This might be a good time to do the Clarity Spell Xiao mentioned.

Above all, know that you and your wife, no matter what condition she's in, are always loved by our gentle Mother, the Earth.

You could change the wording to just "God" if that's more in line with your personal beliefs, or if you'd rather not mention deity at all, simply begin with, "May I ever possess the power of water to accept with ease and grace what I cannot change..." and so on. You could tape the words to your bathroom mirror, or write them on a 3x5 card to keep in your wallet to look at during tough times, whatever works for you. Hope it helps.

Click on image for a larger view of it.







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[Kassandra]

Take a look through the thread linked below, feel free to post your journey in our Mental Health or Relationships section. And know that you are worth your time and energy to help yourself feel better.
http://everythingunderthemoon.net/forum/before-you-post-read-this-t30309.html

Vesca, I hadn't seen this post you wrote before. It's a good one. I copied it to the Forum Rules and Announcements at the top of the board, so it's front and center.

Thanks.


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