Am I Reconnecting?

[Kat]

I had a male friend 2,5 years ago, let's call him N, he lived far away where I moved from. he has a pc shop meaning he's very profficient at tech. we met in person and talked online as well for years. every day on the phone and internet. he was tall and very big and reminded me of a giant. I was somewhat afraid he'll destroy me and was too afraid of his touch. we flirted, kissed and did some other sensual things. wrongly I trusted him. then all of a sudden he stopped communicating with me at all and I got to know from his cop friend that he got engaged. That was a relief of some sort, meant I got rid of his mental abuse. I still made bleeding wounds on my head with my nails tho. fanatic christian, I never told him I'm a wiccan.
Now I ve a male friend again, let's call him K, we talk in person and online but not every day. he's thin and not very tall, treats me like a princess. I'm not sensually attracted to him but I care a lot, he's near me, I seek his touch and trust him with anything. I don't harm my head with my nails and I try to improve for him. he knows I'm a wiccan and is ok with it.
am I repeating what happened with N? am I reconnecting with the Rede, harm none not even myself? what u think? I found my inner goddess or something thinking N didn't deserve me anyway?

[SnowCat]

I think you're learning to pay more attention to your head and less attention to your nether parts.

Frosty

[Kat]

K is just a friend and will remain a friend no matter how much I care. it's not a matter what works for me I guess it's that I won't do the same mistakes. Besides sexually I prefer big and hairy guys and that friend is thin and not hairy. Also maybe it's a matter of age coz people say that men grow mature later than us. K is 2 years older than me and N was the exact same age as me. to say younger guys act more immature maybe?

[Nightwatcher]

K is just a friend and will remain a friend no matter how much I care. it's not a matter what works for me I guess it's that I won't do the same mistakes. Besides sexually I prefer big and hairy guys and that friend is thin and not hairy. Also maybe it's a matter of age coz people say that men grow mature later than us. K is 2 years older than me and N was the exact same age as me. to say younger guys act more immature maybe?

While I'm no expert on love, I'll say this; I think you're denying your feeling.

Hear me out for a moment.

What happened with the first man is horrible and I'm sorry this happened to you. It is always important to come out stronger and wiser. That being said, it seem you connect with this new man quite well. Not just in hobbies and such, but feeling comfortable with him. You crave his touch, his time and your connection with him. To me, this sounds like your heart is developing feelings for him. To what degree, I'm not sure.

However, from what you posted, you seem to want to refuse these feeling for fear of repeating what happened with the first man. While a valid first-response, maybe you should sit with yourself and comb over your feeling for this new male friend. Since I'm not you, I cannot say if it is love of simply a deep bond, but It might help you sort that out.

Good luck and Blessed Be.